Can trauma make you seek out danger?

[Asofspades]

Question about a friend who's recovering from domestic abuse and, well, really a reign of intense terror at the hands of a real piece of work.

Can ending the relationship make someone in this position seek out danger? For example riding a motorbike very fast or heavily drinking?

Like an almost addiction to the fear or adrenaline?

I don't know exactly but perhaps she's trying to make her feelings match what's going on. So it feels less crazy.

Could she do something safe but exhilarating like zip lining?

Substance abuse is a way of self harming and also a way to block things out.

Unsure on the motorcycle part, did she not do things like that before? Could be a way of her not caring about the danger or could be she was that used to living on edge she is trying to replicate it.

My heart goes out to her. I hope she seeks therapy.

It did in my case. I did some really stupid things and im lucky i wasnt physically hurt at all.
Not sure what the answer is though. Just be there for your friend I guess.

Yes. It used to be known as Self Destruct Mode.

When you feel so shit about yourself you just don't care anymore.

She just says she feels like her brain needs the sense of danger

There’s some theories that the early stages of an abusive relationship are like a dopamine hit and you get addicted..and that’s why it’s difficult to end it. When the relationship ends, you kind of feel a void and dangerous behaviours can give you that dopamine rush in a similar way. I would encourage her to channel it into safer but stimulating activities..like the pp suggested zip lining, maybe sky diving? I do powerlifting which has really helped me.

This can also be part of ADHD. People with ADHD and similar conditions are also very vulnerable to abuse.

Yes. Trauma can do that. Far more likely related to lived experience than ADHD. Trauma can appear similar to ADHD actually too. Given what you've said about her experience, start looking at trauma.

Is she having therapy? It can help to process the feelings that lead her to that place, reducing the frequency or need for speed.

She's seeking adrenaline and cortisol, because that's comfortable to her, due to the feeling of them being familiar. It doesn't feel like fear to her, not in the way it would to you.

In short, yes.

I think if adrenalin and fear is what you associate with love and security, then seeking that out in other ways can also be a comfort.

At least that is what I've observed with family members.

Yes. It can make you seek out any heightened experience. I have been lucky and I have sought heightened experiences that did not put me in danger.

Yes

• As a form of self punishment. Like cutting. Or drinking to much.
• As a way of feeling something, anything other than the pain of the trauma.
• As a way to stay in reality. To escape the brain fog of for example, gaslighting in an abusive relationship.
• As a way of regaining some control over your life. Eg: if I'm going to die then I'm going to be the one to choose the hill I die on.

She did say she liked the danger of her own terms, being frightened because she decided to be, not someone else.

Yes, you can, and

She did say she liked the danger of her own terms, being frightened because she decided to be, not someone else

sounds about right.

The adrenaline and actually the risk can be addictive, but it's also about control. You're taking high risks, but it's in your hands. You aren't so powerless.

Serious trauma very often comes when one perceives your life is in danger and you are entirely powerless. You can't help yourself. You can literally get stuck in the moment.

Fast motorbikes, risky drinking etc can be a way of replaying the same trauma but in a way to try to regain some control. If she's going to go for fast motorbikes though, fgs persuade her into some Advanced Riding Training, RoSPA or IAM. It could very well save her life and it will help with the feeling of control, because you learn what you're doing and control the danger better. Even better if she can get an ex police rider to tutor her. They do do it, sometimes.

It won't completely dissolve the trauma because it came from another human being - she'll need other tools for that - but it can help the physical addiction to the adrenaline and the sheer animal terror.

A really brilliant book about this is The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk. It goes into the biological consquences of a traumatic event and ends with some tools to help handle it. I can't recommend it highly enough.

Yes.

When your environment has been dangerous and unpredictable for long enough it becomes your new normal and you seek out that feeling because it’s familiar.

I have CPTSD from growing up with a narcissistic mother. I’ve read every dystopian novel ever written and watch movies and films along the same vein.

She strangely started reading the body keeps score today