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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Why do men do it

16 replies

Dogslife25 · 16/09/2023 08:16

So on Tuesday we finally decided to separate and we would tell the kids/family this weekend,it was our 20th anniversary on Wednesday and didn't receive cards from his family bar his 1 brother, so I'm assuming he's already told them all, I wanted to tell mine as its awkward receiving cards when it's all over my family knows things ain't right but to them we were still together but I respected the fact we agreed to tell them this weekend, then my daughter receives a photo of him out with another women, now don't get me wrong I'm not bothered but how do they move so disrespectfully to him we're over but it's been 3 days, he's probably been seeing her for a while but now feels he can be open about it, he also didn't come home last night I think he knows her friends saw him so he may aswell carry on, and he had the cheek to tell me to move out bearing in mind I do everything for the kids, I'm glad it's over but he's proved what he's like. Why are they like this ?

OP posts:

DustyLee123 · 16/09/2023 08:22

Because they can’t be alone. And he’s proving to himself that someone does want him, so the fault must be you.
Well done for getting out.

AnneLovesGilbert · 16/09/2023 08:25

Ouch. If you’re married he can’t tell you to move out.

saltrocking · 16/09/2023 08:29

Well he's just made a difficult decision easier for you in the long run. You'll not doubt that you did the right thing by ending the marriage. He's showing how much respect he has for you. And he's also just shown everyone else that he's most likely been cheating on you for some time.

You hold your head up high. I'm sorry this has happened to you, it's going to be hard but you will get through it. Get legal advise, don't move out. X

Daffodil18 · 16/09/2023 09:27

I am very sorry you are going through this. That must hurt so much. I very much doubt he’s moved on that quickly. It’s probably the reason you are separating. Don’t move out of the house so he can move the OW in.

Epidote · 16/09/2023 09:36

DustyLee123 · 16/09/2023 08:22

Because they can’t be alone. And he’s proving to himself that someone does want him, so the fault must be you.
Well done for getting out.

This.

Xrays · 16/09/2023 09:47

Men just can’t stay single. I genuinely think they see a woman as a replaceable element in their lives. Like a little jigsaw piece, if they lose that piece they’ll just get another.

jeaux90 · 16/09/2023 10:00

Because some men see women as their support humans and are unable to be without one.

Well done for getting out OP.

frozendaisy · 16/09/2023 10:02

So can you not say why don't you move out with X first so we can decide living arrangements going forward with a bit of space between us.

Use his "new" found relationship to your advantage.

Maze76 · 16/09/2023 12:33

Sorry you’re going through this - so not move out, stay where you, get legal advice as soon as possible.
As others have said Men cannot be alone so they pretty much find anyone they can to replace you. It very rarely work out. If he wants to move his new ‘relationship’ forward, then he can move out- you stay put.

brightdayloomingdark · 16/09/2023 13:20

As others said. So many men see women primarily as having a function to them. If they lose one woman, they need another to take over that function ( emotional support/ sex etc). I found out the guy I’d been seeing not only had a live in partner but also other women too. I’ve not doubt he was devastated when his live in partner kicked him out. I’ve also no doubt he was on tinder by the weekend.

mrandmrsrobinson · 16/09/2023 16:14

It has been going on for a while. Probably months

Original poster

Dogslife25 · 15/10/2023 13:11

Omg, I had no notifications of replies and only just seeing these.
He denied everything, reckons she's a 'mate' and they had gone shopping for a mattress and garden shed for her and her boyfriends house then had lunch just the 2 of them 🤔🤔 could be innocent but I don't buy it, he'd have enough to say if I went shopping for a mattress for me n him with a male friend. He's also refusing to leave the house doing whatever he wants giving less money towards the house and I haven't got 2 pennies to rub together , I'm hoping he runs off with her soon but don't know how long I can survive like this 😪

OP posts:

anotherdisaster · 15/10/2023 13:52

I assume you are married and own the house? Go and get legal advise. Neither of you can force the other to move out if the house is in joint names but I would be inclined to get that house on the market ASAP.

Original poster

Dogslife25 · 15/10/2023 15:48

Yes I want to do this but I'm not in a position to buy again as I work part time, I would have to find a fulltime job and be there for a while before I can do this and rent is extortionate, plus can't afford the legal fees, I'm a bit stuck what to do

OP posts:

rwalker · 15/10/2023 15:54

it was over long before Tuesday the difference is it’s now official

FairyMaclary · 15/10/2023 16:01

With some banks you only need a contract showing your increased hours and a start date within the next three months. Others require you to have started the new full time position (day 1 you can apply). Others require 1st payslip showing increased salary.

Go get some advice and find out what you need to do next.

Before matey boy realises the grass is only greener when he’s not shitting all over it.

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