Called a liar

[Summerish]

Earlier in the week I had said to my partner don’t forget I am going out with my ex colleagues who I see about twice a year . He said I hadn’t told him before about this I said I have you must of forgotten as I have . Out later in week talking about going out tomorrow and what he is having for dinner when out and he starts saying I am just a liar . I was really crushed I don’t lie and felt it was really horrible to say that . I said I am not a liar . But now a week later I am just thinking what a horrid thing to say but he says well one of us was wrong so that’s why I said it . I say you wouldn’t say that to a friend . Aibu ?

No, YANBU. He’s either genuinely forgotten or he’s gaslighting. Only you will know which.

No, well adjusted people wouldn't accuse people of being a liar over something so trivial. How long have you been together?

It’s nasty. I would be thinking seriously if this is a partner I want to be around. It’s a horrible comment and loaded with contempt.

I would get a magnetic fridge calendar and write down any planned evenings out on this, so there can be no dispute in the future.

10 years . When we were discussing it last night he walked out of room I said come here he replied I am not your dog . I have lost perspective if it’s me or him

Ewww what a horrid little man.

I’m almost certain it’s him.

I bet he becomes ‘difficult’ any time you want to do anything for yourself.

I don’t get why he didn’t just say “I don’t remember you mentioning it but you might have done”. Maybe you did forget maybe he did forget. It sounds almost like he doesn’t want you to go tbh

You aren't the problem. He is!
I've just had the same problem with my now ex as of tuesday, and I find it so irritating and horrible. Evan if he doesn't recall you mentioning it that doesn't make you a liar, why couldn't he have said, 'oh I don't remember you telling Me.' Instead he's decided you've totally made something up and assumed the worst of you. Or he's trying to gaslight 🤷🏻‍♀️

Even if he had genuinely forgotten you'd told him, it's an awful way to behave. Most people would laugh it off. Was he trying to start an argument so you wouldn't go out?

I think he's said it to get in your head and you shouldn't give that comment so much attention. But that it's got to this point is worrying...

What's the rest of the relationship like?

Two hipothesis.

He is having a bad time and stromp with you. Which is bad enough at it sounds.

He is up to something and is planting the seed go down the path to give you the script.

Third one - he wants to upset you so you don’t meet your ex colleague or have a shit time I had exes and a father who would pull this stunt eg tell me I hadn’t told them x or y and then literally used the ‘I can not recall this’ line leaving me in floods and them accusing me of being emotional or being too sensitive - I now see it for what it is

Have you been on the night out? Did he try to make you feel guilty or spoil it?

tonight he has stopped talking , said nothing at dinner with my two twenty something children or 2 hrs since

Ah, the silent treatment
to bring you back in line.
My guess, you'll begin to click what an abusive arse this one is

Make that 3 hrs . I would never sit at dinner with his family and not say a word

Hmm... so, if a person thought that a night out had not been mentioned prior, it might make them wonder who had the memory flaw, it might irk a tad if felt it wasn't them. However, you still told him before the event, so a normal person would get over it as not being important where or when mention of it was.
That of course is a normal person who has no issue with you going out, which is probably the crux of it. Is this a one off, or does he show other signs of restrictive behavior? He's clearly bothered about you going out without him, but is dressing it up as another reason. I hope you have a good time, I hope more good times occur- child free, you don't have to run it by him. Next time, stick it in writing under a fridge magnet so there is no dispute 😉

Is he usually this jealous of you going out? I had the silent treatment a lot from my ex, I wouldn’t stand for it again

It's him, babes.

He is a controlling twat.

If you have 20 aged children you are obviously a mature woman. You know this isn't normal or reasonable behaviour and you need to leave him for your own happiness.

Two points I would make:
You probably did tell him and he’s probably gaslighting you.
Giving orders “Come Here” and the like is relationship ending- he isn’t your dog.