Workaholic husbands

[Forgoodnesssakemeagain]

How do you know it’s too
much v working hard?

More context?

How many do you have?

Do you work FT , if so is he doing 50% ?

Lol I have one. It’s not really about the division of chores to be honest more the lack of attention to us at home as it all seems to revolve around work. Wondering how to know if it’s too much or just as he is working hard.

For example from 7.30/8am till anywhere between 6-10pm each day. And. It switching off. Since covid dh works at home so it’s easy to go and send an email or two and I often find him in the office. On a day in the office Monday he came back and I said to help with something and he said I just have to do some work first.. I was like but you have been working all day!

For example from 7.30/8am till anywhere between 6-10pm each day. And. It switching off. Since covid dh works at home so it’s easy to go and send an email or two and I often find him in the office. On a day in the office Monday he came back and I said to help with something and he said I just have to do some work first.. I was like but you have been working all day!

Frankly those are my hours and I don't think I'm a workaholic! Heck of a lot of jobs require those sorts of hours.

I don't think it's about number of hours, it's things like - can he properly a switch off and relax in his down time eg weekends and holidays? Can he draw a line and say because this non-work thing is important (school play, parent teacher night) I will leave work and prioritise that? Is he fully "with you" when he isn't working, interested in your day, chatting together about things that aren't his work, etc?

Then there are the things that are harder to judge but his colleagues might have a sense of - is he the person who feels he has to answer ever email instantly in a situation where anytime in the next day would be fine? Is he staying late because leaving anything to be done the next day makes him anxious? Is he doing more than required because he's worried about job security, feels he needs to be the best in the team, or is avoiding coming home and dealing with his family? So many things to discuss...

Well, work usually has to take priority for most people, at least in responsible or well-paid jobs.

Is his role fairly senior/high paced? It's just like that in some industries.

What's your job like?

DH job is generally 9-5 so it took him ages to "get" that mine just wasnt, and I knew that when I signed up for it!

I don't think it's about number of hours, it's things like - can he properly a switch off and relax in his down time eg weekends and holidays? Can he draw a line and say because this non-work thing is important (school play, parent teacher night) I will leave work and prioritise that? Is he fully "with you" when he isn't working, interested in your day, chatting together about things that aren't his work, etc?

Agreed

I agree too it’s not so
much the hours although this can easily go from 7.30am to 10pm it’s the lack of switching off. The tiredness to do anything else in spare time. Interest in us. Remembering what’s happening in our day to day life as work is the main thought.
he is perfectionist who does get anxious and worries which I think is a factor too