We have been married 15 yrs and have 2 kids, one of which has complex medical needs. I am at my wits end with the amount of housework left for me to deal with.
Background is my DH works 2 x 12 hour shifts a week, mainly weekends. I work full time mon-fri. We do this as our child needs one of us home when not in school. We have a cycle of me getting more and more frustrated with the amount of stuff not done around the house, I end up asking for help and I get maybe 2 days of him doing more than the bare minimum and then it reverts back to his old ways. I have tried calenders, lists, a household chore app (that actually shows what needs doing and who did it) and yet he still can not/will not consider it an issue.
For example here is how today has gone - both kids in school, I'm at work. what got done? the dishwasher got emptied. not even refilled with dirty crockery - I came home to the dirty dishes all over the kitchen. he's literally sat in front of TV all day. I've come home and had to start cleaning and sorting stuff out. I say it's not fair that I'm left carrying the load of the housework and he genuinely thinks he's done enough as he waited in a telephone Q for 80 mins waiting to cancel our broadband contract. Then says he can't eat his evening meal as I've hurt his feelings and he's no longer hungry. wtaf?
He has suffered from depression for years. I have suggested counselling and he has said counselling either for him or as a couple won't help so will not try it.
I have no idea what to do. I cant leave the house unclean as we have children and basic hygiene isn't negotiable for me. This sounds awful but I can't even stand to be in a room with him now, I resent him so much. I can't afford to leave him as I'd need to leave my job to ensure my son had care outwith school hours and term time isn't an option. I feel completely and utterly trapped with him.
Any ideas on how to have a conversation with him about where we go from here without him going in a sulk like he has tonight?