I am looking for some advice on how to help a partner who suffers with depression and low libido.
I (f33) and my partner (m29) have been together for around 9 months, although we have had a relationship in the past so it's not as new as it might initially seem. I had been concerned about his mental health previously and when he got back together he did mention to me that his mental health hadn't been too good in the time we spent apart.
I recently asked him to open up about his mental health, as I had noticed his libido seemed especially low. He told me he often has periods of feeling low and down and he finds it hard to shake it off. He isn't seeing a doctor, having counselling or taking any medication. He occasionally talks to a friend, but it sounds very surface-level - "I'm here for you mate". He said his libido has definitely tailed off and that although he is interested in being intimate with me, something stops him.
I went into practical mode and started googling how to support a partner with depression, but soon came to the realisation that with many things in his life he is not proactive e.g He has IBS and complains about it rather than changing his diet or lifestyle. He also has back pain and is bothered daily by that but doesn't go to see a chiropractor or doctor. I totally understand these probably contribute towards his depression, as well as being symptoms of it. However anything I could or would suggest I realise would fall on deaf ears, or be met with negativity, excuses or apathy which leaves me unsure how to proceed.
He is sometimes affectionate towards me (hugs, kisses, arm around me etc) but annoyingly also 'play fights' with me which I really don't like. Sex is very rare for us, even in such a new relationship, and when it does happen he rarely 'completes'. I think that's the part that is difficult for me, as I do feel rejected and also ashamed/embarrassed that before we spoke openly about this, he may have had sex with me when maybe he hasn't wanted to. I've also worked on myself a lot in the time we spent apart, lost weight, feel so much better in myself and feel a bit disillusioned by being so unwanted. I obviously haven't mentioned this to him as it's not about me, but I can't help having these underlying feeling of sadness about our situation.
Is this rectifiable? How can I help him, and us to flourish as a couple. It's not a case of leaving him, as I truly do want to support him through this.