Husband losing interest when I got pregnant

[Groovy123]

Me and my husband decided to try for our first baby and were successful after around 4 months.

Not long after I felt as though something had changed, my husband had no interest in spending time with me after work, played his PlayStation most nights, sat on his phone all the time, became quite sharp with me, saying nasty comments, he just generally seemed like he couldn’t really stand me. Most of the time I ignored his comments, and just put it down to him having a bad day.. I did ask sometimes why he was being so nasty and he just ignored me or brushed it off and carried on with his day..

Around 4-5 months in to our pregnancy and I saw some stuff on his phone, he has spent quite a few months going back and fourth between these women on instagram, Facebook and other social media - and it started around the time we found out we where having a baby. Some of these girls I know personally, and others I don’t but they do all live relatively close to us. They aren’t your average women, all their content is very revealing, photos and videos with certain areas of their body blurred. None of these women post anything other than naked photos with bits blurred out - we also see some these women when we are out, one in particular i no quite well and wouldn’t pass her without speaking to her, but how do I do that and feel comfortable knowing my husband has been having a great time hounding her social media and seen her pretty much naked? It’s really awkward. He also hadn’t really came anywhere near me, went to bed before me or after me, he was being very cold towards me…

He had never treated me that way before or spoke to me so horribly and it went on for months too.

I’m really embarrassed and feeling quite hurt over this, it’s making me look at my plump pregnant body and pick myself apart, something I never really done before, I never looked at myself like that before and Ive always been quite happy with my appearance, and now I’m worried as I’ll be fat after the pregnancy and I know my body won’t ever be the same.

I would just love someone else’s take on this or some advice.. maybe me feeling quite hurt over this could be down to being more emotional due to pregnancy?

Have you confronted him about the women? Have you told him how you are feeling?

He sounds very problematic

What’s disturbing is the op thinking she will need to get back to pre pregnancy shape and compete

op have you discussed this with him?

I did confront him about it, he first denied it, and then was admitting to bits and pieces of it and over the course of a month or more some more kept coming out, I asked him to please just tell me everything that had happened so that we could put it to bed and try to leave it behind us.

he said his reasoning for not telling everything at once was because he didn’t want to upset me.. pity he didn’t think of that when he started this nonsense. I started to have anxiety a lot as it made me feel really nervous as I kept finding new things out almost everyday..

also I forgot to mention, every one of these females did only fans.. which wasn’t a coincidence. He was out there deliberately looking for that stuff. He did sleep with another girl when we first got together, but I must admit we where only together a few months & hadn’t made anything official at that stage but it did set the tone for me and gave me a bit of an insight in to how he was.. we have now been together 11 years, we’ve had our issues but always gotten over them. But this time it’s just a little more hurtful, being pregnant I maybe expected for him to treat me better than usual but instead he treated me worse than he ever had.

I’m actually glad of your replies, I really believed I was being overly emotional about it due to pregnancy. I did speak to a friend about it while leaving out some details of names etc as she would also no some of the women but she said to me ‘men do them things don’t worry they all like to have a look’ which then made me feel a bit like an idiot

I'm sorry to say, your husband sounds like a bit of a sleaze.

Lusting over other women online, and now prioritising the feeling (dopamine) he gets from that rather than work on the relationship he has with you. Awful.

You and your baba deserve better x

@Groovy123 men don’t do these things unless they have no respect for their dp and have low morals.

…he first denied it, and then was admitting to bits and pieces of it and over the course of a month or more some more kept coming out.

@Groovy123, can you please elaborate? What was he admitting to, bit by bit?

He's most likely physically cheating on you too.

Your husband is being a sleaze and your friend gave terrible advice.

If your partner is doing things that are unacceptable to you and it hurts you, makes you insecure and upset then he probably isn’t the one for you unfortunately.

You shouldn’t sweep it under the rug and put it down to ‘boys will be boys’ (I detest that phrase)

Your partner should make you feel loved and respected otherwise there’s no point to the relationship and you’d be better off on your own. He doesn’t sound mature enough to be a married man to be honest.

My gut feeling is that your husband didn't quite believe the two of you were going to have a child together. When you got pregnant he suddenly started having second thoughts about your marriage. I could be barking at the wrong tree of course. It's a tough situation. You have been together for 11 years. See if you notice any positive changes after the baby is born. If none happens dump him before he completely destroys your self esteem and joy of life. You can do it. As a midwife I would also say: eat sensibly in pregnancy, don't starve but don't overeat either.

So he was first just saying it was only this girl & this one and he was almost finding the least revealing of them all.. and then admitting to a worse one, and then another before he finally admitted to going back and fourth to my friends one and other girls I no.. we live in the area where I grew up so I no a lot of the girls.. he didn’t grow up in this area but wanted to move here as it’s closer to his work and the house prices aren’t as high. But he said it started out by going through my friends list and followers and it went from there really

He sounds like a complete knob! I'm 33 weeks pregnant and if my DH was found to be doing that I'd be fuming!!! He didn't tell you because he didn't want to hurt you ??Does that not make you think well what else isn't he telling me (not to hurt me) Well I'm sorry but there is looking and then there is LOOKING. Embrace your beautiful pregnant body! These half-naked women online are attention seeking . I post pictures of my growing bump (in my bra and knickers and I can tell you now I feel more attractive than these women size 0 with skimpy clothes on. Your body is natural and growing the most beautiful thing theirs are just for likes and comments 🙂

I've just had our second child who is 6 weeks old and let me tell you, I absolutely would never in a million years tolerate this bullshit.

When you have a baby, it really tests the strength of your relationship as the sleep deprivation and crying baby can cause tension in your relationship especially if you aren't that strong and are already on the rocks.

Sorry, but it sounds like your husband is completely unfaithful and is a bit of an arsehole and I'd honestly walk away if you have the means too.

Even if you can stay with a relative or a friend to get some space I absolutely would. Because If you don't nip this in the bud now, you're in for a hell of a time.

Many men have affairs when wives are pregnant, seen it at work quite often, very sad.

Sorry to hear you are not having an easy time. You need support and security when you are pregnant. Things started to go wrong for me while I was pregnant and I found it helpful to make a back up plan in case things got worse. If you get on with your family, I would discuss it with them and see what their take on it all is. It also means they can support you if necessary.

In addition to perving over your friends and other local women, your H acts as if he despises you — and he couldn’t care less about how his nasty treatment is affecting you and the baby.

@Groovy123, he’s being a shit husband and shit father. I wouldn’t tolerate his destructive behavior, and would show him the door while I considered my options.

Not want you want to hear but is cut him loose now as things will only get worse when the baby arrives.

For whatever reason, he has the ick over your being pregnant.

Perhaps he has some deep seated hang up about a baby growing inside of your body or perhaps he is just a nasty piece of work who gets turned on by women who like to cavity in front of the camera.

It's highly unlikely that any of those women, will be remotely interested in him unless he's very wealthy and very generous with his money.

They are calculating sex workers who will flatter their punters, as that's what your husband is, in order for him to pay to see their private content.

He might have started ogling at their public content which is basically a tease but then he will have been lured to pay for private content.

He's a sucker and a loser.

@Groovy123 I wonder if he’s always been up to no good but now you’re pregnant he’s feeling guilty which is why his behaviour towards you has changed? Either way, I wouldn’t be tolerating this behaviour, he sounds like a complete dickhead. If you don’t nip this in the bud it may get worse once the baby is here. He should be supporting you through this time, not treating you like shit and getting his kicks from women you know. I would be giving him a wake up call and asking him to stay elsewhere for a while.