bolloxy, sh*tty, cr*ppy poo........etc etc etc...............

[FAQ]

so - H said that he didn't have a problem with me talking to his SIL still, but in no uncertain terms I was NOT to discuss our relationship/break-up with her in any detail.......especially not before he'd had a chance to tell her it was happening.

Well - I have/did - we've always got on really well, we're very similar in lots of ways and I've known her for one day less than I've known H!

Just been on the phone to her (she called me when she knew he'd still be at work.....) (she's known about this break-up since 2 days after you lot did back in January) and she accepts that even if we could work out the issues between us I still need us to have a separation and sort my own head/feelings/emotions/borderline depression etc out before anything could happen WRT our relationship.

She's already told H that they're planning on coming up and seeing us for the day at Easter and wants to use the opportunity to try and get something (anything!) out of H about the whole thing. And see if we can come up with any way at all of getting through this and potentially getting back together (and staying together). Actually that's her only reason for wanting to come up.

To do this obviously he's going to have to know that I've talked to her about it.........now as SIL rightly says - if it's absolutely 100% over (as H is saying)will it really make any difference if he knows that I've talked to her.....I mean things can't get any more final that he's currently talking about. And his snide/nasty/horrible comments can't really get any worse, neither can the arguments. So I certainly see her point on that one.

On the other hand I'm worried that any potential there could still be of him re-finding the decent, kind, generous man that I married lurking inside himself would completely disappear if he finds out that I've talked to her.

She's stressed (given what I've said to her) that she doesn't want to try and stop us separating now as that's what I need to do, but she wants to try and at least give H something to think about when it happens.

I've told her I'll have a think and get back to her.........

oh FAQ, I really wish sometimes we could have a fast forward button and be past all his and then you would know that whatever happens its all turned out ok.

she has a point about it not making any difference but I think the issue here is you not wanting to have broken his trust and given him more ammunition

let her come up, how can he not realise she knows, he's in the spare room FFS, and let her get on with what she needs to get on with, he is her brother but she is obviously VERY fond of you too

past all this

do you really have to swear in every single thread title?

on the odd occurance....i think this wouldn't be worthy of comment ( i don't mean that in a pejorative way, my family communicate in this manner)

good luck with whatever of lifes dramas has befallen you today. xx

yes we do have a really good relationship SIL and I. my DS1 and 2 are almost the same age as her DD's. In fact I announced my 2nd pg to her, and 8 weeks later she announced hers - there's only 1 1/2 months between our 2nd children so there were LOTS of pg related phone calls for several months.

yes you're right about the trust/ammunition thing - but then again if he's absolutely certain it's over will it really matter? I want her to come up - but I don't IYKWIM....

excuse me Custardo - I have 15 threads that I've started and only 3 of them have swearing in the title...........ok admittedly 2 of them have been tonight but still........