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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Friend/not friend

2 replies

creditdraper · 13/09/2023 16:44

What can I do? My DH has a “best friend”, (a forever friend to use the words of the best friend and his wife) who thinks he has DH best interests at heart but really does not. It stresses my DH out. He listens to all the bullshit his friend says, comes home and becomes very annoyed and stressed over it but will not call him out on it! This has been going on for years! The friend stresses me out as well by the things he says. He is a conspiracy theorist and is loop the f…ing loop! His wife seriously oversteps boundaries in what she has said to us both as well. My DH and I do not want to go on holiday with them. That is the last thing we would do, having gone with them before but the friend keeps inviting my DH, not me.
They seem to resent the fact that I married him and “took him away,” so to speak.
TBH I would move far away from them if we could, but why should we?
Sorry for the rant but we feel like we are in a catch 22 situation here.
I would tell them straight but my DH likes to stay on the right side of everyone so I guess the problem really lies with him doesn’t it?
Thanks for reading. I needed to vent to someone.

OP posts:
Hiddenvoice · 13/09/2023 18:27

I would just try distance yourselves if that’s what dh wants aswell. You don’t need to go on holiday with them, if they ask just say no- you don’t need to give a reason either. Just no, not interested but thanks.

If dh is happy to then if they ask to meet up, just politely say you’re not interested at the moment.

Try not arrange any days/ nights out with them. If they ask and dh wants to go then try arrange something for a couple of hours into it so you have a get away reason - for example if you have children then say childcare onlt can be there for an hour, two hours.

category12 · 13/09/2023 18:33

Yeah, the problem lies with your DH if he won't defend his own boundaries.

Simply say no to invitations you're not interested in. Why is it a huge issue? You get invited to go on holiday - you just say, no thanks. No thanks we're busy, no thanks we prefer to holiday just the two of us/just family, no thanks we've got other plans, no I don't think that'll work for us.

Tell your DH you don't want to hear the details of what his mate's been saying, there's no reason you need to get a second-hand retelling of it all. Stop being his waste-bin for unloading onto regarding them.

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