Lonely

[Berryblondie1]

Where do I start… I just feel down an awful lot of the time? Always feeling I’m not good enough, interesting enough, funny enough for people to want to spend time with me… I have my husband and three children..all mostly grown up but still at home. But no one else really, no other family. It’s just us. Friends have come and gone over the years and my husband and I do have some joint friends but not the most exciting bunch. I mean I’m 50 but I’m young at heart, love dancing, theatre, nightclubs! But suggesting anything more exciting than a meal out seems far fetched and not for them. Believe me I’ve tried with people but for whatever reason I feel avoided 😢

There is also the lack of female figures in my life…my mum who I was extremely close to died many years ago, I have no sisters, aunts, female relatives at all! My children are all boys…and whilst I love that they have a great relationship with their dad (my husband) I feel alone on the outside with not much in common with them anymore now they are all older and just have to watch them do football together (they all CONSTANTLY talk about it) whilst feeling a huge hole in my life where I’m missing out on girls stuff as I’ve no one to do that with… I am quite a girlie girl! Always loved getting hair and nails done, dressing up going out but not one person to do any of this with now. It really gets me down as I just feel like I’m always trying with people to get to know them more and find a friendship but I’m also not the most confident person ever so struggle sometimes to click with people…

Not even sure why I’m posting just feel a need to get it all down. Husband knows my feelings but not much he can relate to really.

That sounds hard OP. I struggle to click with people too. I think the best way is to find some sort of class or event that you go to regularly (one that involves a level of chat e.g. not a yoga class or something). If you're shy especially it takes time to get to know people so you need to give yourself the chance to slowly build up relationships with repeated contact. Maybe a year long evening class or something? Or a week intensive course somewhere or something. Or a shared activity you can keep seeing the same people. Obviously somewhere women will attend. Best of luck!

Hi 👋🏻

I have just read your post & truthfully every word resonates, I really could have written …
I’m very lonely, despite living with my young Teen, I don’t have any friends, parents long passed away & I feel that I long for a chat with someone that I can relate to and just - have a laugh. I miss girly conversations, I am still young - I’m 56, in my mind I’m 25 & lively , still too young to go through remainder of my life alone and feeling like something is missing.

I have made no lasting friendships for ages, would love to get to know some friends on a deeper level than just a passing hello….

Would love to have friends who like days out, holidays & more…

Feel very down, I try to be caring and supportive to others, yet never find I get same in return, ever….

Love to chat ❤️

It sounds like you've just not found your people. You need to get to know yourself and what you really want to do with your time. Once that's done, go find places to do them with other people. Join an am dram group and do the props, go to a dance class, etc. once you are surrounded with people who have similar interests, natural friendships will emerge that feel nice. Of course you'll have little in common with your husbands friends, sounds like you don't even have anything in common with him! X

Do a course. Honestly. You're not around new people and you'd like to meet new people so put yourself in a place where there are new people who are interested in something you're interested in. I reckon it's that simple. Find something at your local adult education college, and enjoy!

Hi op would a hobby work as would get you out of house? Im same hard meet people. Not much in common with siblings as their kids much younger. We did a walk group. Now I meet her odd week for coffee. Gets me out.

I'm feeling similar, life is dull. Plus I work from home which very convenient but means I don't even have that interaction with people outside of my family. I would love to find some friends to go to gigs with, I love to dance. Where are you all based? Maybe we should set up an over 50s fun group.....I'm going through complete panic atm at how life is slipping by and everyone seems happy to stay in and watch the telly whilst it does.

Join a class or club. Or better - you can start your own?

I've started my own clubs, even if one other person joins, that is a new friend. It's not easy, but posting flyers or doing an eventbrite or something similar. I am in my early 30's and felt very lonely when I had my daughter so young - I couldn't relate to anyone and I did a mixture of joining clubs when I could and then following up with the people I had a genuine connection with. I also hosted small sewing events and similar at local places looking to attract people.

Its nice because it keeps you busy and allows you to meet new people.

Really hope you can find at least one person that is similar to you x

This is me and I’m only 34. Have my husband and my young children. Couple of school friends and uni friends but no one lives locally to me - all more than an hour away. And even then, they feel like acquaintances now. Did NCT to try and meet local mums but no one stayed in touch after - despite effort on my part. I’m on maternity leave and go to baby groups and say hello but it’s never more than that. I’m not very confident and struggle to make small talk with people. I’ve tried taking up hobbies but find other women often go to things with friends already (E.g. open water swimming) and so I’m always just there on my own whilst the other women swim with their friends and it makes me feel even lonelier.

OP here. An over 50s (? or any age actually as it sounds like we all need some fun!) fun group sounds like a good idea! I’ve no idea how this would work or set one up though? I’m in Kent.
I also work from home and extremely busy in the week so whilst joining a club or doing a course would be a good way to meet new people I don’t have much free time to do that regularly, weekends I’m less busy. I’m just getting into doing more exercise to boost my mood and fitness which I think is helping. I am lucky my husband does like shopping/cooking together and we do spend time just us but it’s the not the same as some girls time iykwim which I really miss. Happy to chat to anyone privately about anything as I can see a few of us are struggling xx

Same here, my kids are teenagers, I’m recently separated with no family close by. I keep seeing events and think I’d love to go but I have no-one to go with and although I don’t mind somethings on my own, other events I would just look silly surrounded by groups of people. I’ve been burnt so many times by “friends” that I don’t really know where to start.

other events I would just look silly surrounded by groups of people

What sort of events are those? Who would think you looked silly?

This resonates with me as well. Late 50s and lots of acquaintances but no real friends. I'm lucky to be happily married and have a couple of relations I'm close to but they don't live near by. I tried hard to get a group of five other women of a similar age (and supposed friends) to form a social group, but after arranging a few outings I realised none of them invited me to anything, and now two of them have moved away without even telling me! It's very hard to make good friends - and I'm a natural introvert so I have to make a huge effort to do anything!

There are loads of women's groups around .. just seek some out, I've been in the WI for a few years, it's fab, lots of lovely women, different activities, speakers etc .. a lot are geared up for 'younger women' but I get on with women of all ages and love a mix of different attitudes. Try it out.

Hi 😊 Love to say hi privately (not sure how to? )
Likewise if anyone else on this thread fancies saying hello - Messenger /WhatsApp , I’m in Scotland , travel lots though!

I'm in Manchester. Would love someone to go to gigs with. Love music and dancing. My children are all boys as well, wonder if that has some bearing?

Hi its hard. My friend in a drama and choir. I hope to plan a school mams catchup soon. Its def hard. People keen but nobody gets back to you.. my husbands friends same trying to get dates off people.. you think should it be this hard lol

There a lot of female/female friendships apps and groups nowadays. It may take you awhile but I'm sure if you try you'll find some women you click with.

You also don't have to socialise with groups. I have a lot of good female friends but socialise 1-1.

Hi

I’m in Scotland , but travel lots X

Would recommend Bumble Friend I've just signed up it's free and I've already been chatting to a local mum of similar age who fancies meeting for a drink. Didnt even realise such apps existed.

Only really concerts, there is an event being advertised at the moment that I would love to go to but it’s a picnic and music type event so not something I’d go to in my own. I’ve been to the theatre on my own and that was fine though and I’d happily do that again.