How do I go about supporting my wonderful nearly 9 year old daughter through a separation? And also deal with my own emotions about it all?
Her dad and step mum are separating. It's been in the pipeworks for a few weeks after he yet again managed to be unfaithful - they're telling her on Friday. Obviously her dad and I are separated but she was 10 months old when I left for the same reason so she has no recollection of that time or of us ever having been together whereas this time she will and I just know she is going to be devastated as her step mum has been such a wonderful addition to her life; her relationship with her dad improved dramatically when she came on the scene and I have no doubt a large part of the effort has been hers.
She's been around since my daughter was 3 and lived over here for 4 years as she moved countries to be with him so there's currently some very unknown visa implications which makes things even harder because I can't even assure her that her step mum will still be in her life etc which is something I would facilitate if possible.
She is likelt aware something is up as the day it all came out, she was at her dads and instead of asking me to pick her up, he spent all day crying in front of her and told her 'daddy has done a bad thing which has really hurt insert step mum name' which carried on into the next day where he snivelled his way around a park when we met to do handover which I later pulled him up on as I felt it was completely inappropriate for her to see him in such a manic state.
It's also brought a lot of emotions up for me regarding the horrible time I went through when I was in those shoes but squashed because I had a 10 month old to take care of on my own and I know it's selfish but I'm just so angry that in 8 years, he's still doing things which impact my life hugely and more importantly, hers - he hasn't grown up at all or sought help for his constant need to be validated and 'needed'. I'm cross that he's going to dump all of this on her in what will likely be a non-age appropriate way as he has always insisted on treating her like a 'person and not a child ' ( he was adamant that age 6 she should choose whether or not she had the covid vaccine...) and then I will be the one to mop up all the tears and answer the questions she will undoubtedly have.