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Original poster

Is it always a bad idea?

23 replies

RosesAreReady · 12/09/2023 17:19

Am I wrong to think a fwb situation with an ex wouldn’t be a bad idea? For personal reasons I’m not wanting to find a stranger so surely an ex would be a good alternative? Does anyone have this set up and it work out ok? I wouldn’t personally feel comfortable finding a stranger online but each to their own.

OP posts:
Freezinghotlikeaweevil · 12/09/2023 17:27

I think you should do what you are comfortable with. As long as you are in control and not getting taken advantage of, why not.

Original poster
RosesAreReady · 12/09/2023 18:25

That’s true, I actually think it makes a lot of sense, finding a random stranger just seems risky to me then all the horror stories on here of people being dumped or ghosted after puts me off, just when mentioned to friends they say not to go there.

OP posts:
DeltaAlphaDelta79 · 12/09/2023 18:27

It probably depends why they are an ex, how well you get on now and how well you can compartmentalise the sex from the history. I could probably do it with a couple of my ex's but not all of them.

hev126 · 12/09/2023 18:30

Depends on the ex & why you split up? If you can compartmentalise and keep your feelings out of it then go for it.

There are guys I've dated for 3-6 months & we were exclusive at the time and could imagine them as a fwb.
Someone I was previously in love with and at the time had imagined a future with - no way I could go there in a causal sense but that's just me!

Chunkyspunkymunkey · 12/09/2023 20:54

No problem as long as he isn’t attached, and you don’t get attached to him!

Original poster
RosesAreReady · 12/09/2023 21:09

Thanks all, no no worries about getting feelings we want very different things and I wouldn’t compromise , no cheating or abuse leading to the break up and we are in contact anyway because of the children (he is not in a relationship)

OP posts:
hev126 · 12/09/2023 21:42

You have dc with him?

Original poster
RosesAreReady · 12/09/2023 21:50

Yes we do

OP posts:
AlrightThen · 13/09/2023 08:16

I don't know. I'm the sharp edges person, not the blurred ones.

kidsonthemoon · 13/09/2023 08:23

If you have talked it through and you're both on the same page then don't see the problem. That said it does have the potential to blow up and end in tears. Tread carefully

Original poster
RosesAreReady · 13/09/2023 13:10

Oh I definitely think he would be up for it. No potential for any feelings I wouldn’t go back there! I don’t mind if/ when he meets someone else it’s more of an itch to scratch and I don’t like the risk as I said of meeting strangers

OP posts:
TheGoodBanana · 13/09/2023 13:13

I wouldn't if there are children involved. You obviously get along well now if you are considering this so why jeopardise a good co-parent relationship.

PaintedEgg · 13/09/2023 13:15

it will create a headache once one of you will get into relationship - i dont think most people would be convinced that you are really broke up or no longer sleeping together...and with kids involved, there is a whole new level of potential mess and distress

Original poster
RosesAreReady · 13/09/2023 13:24

It would stop if he got into a relationship. I will not be dating anyone.

OP posts:
PaintedEgg · 13/09/2023 13:29

it does not matter if it would stop - any potential partners would have hard time believing that it would and it can have all sorts of messy impacts upon your co-parenting relationship. any mess your introduce into your relations will stain your children

Original poster
RosesAreReady · 13/09/2023 13:30

And why would a new partner even know? 🤔 doubt he would be telling them that would be odd? And I have no interest in meeting any new partners he may have.

OP posts:
PaintedEgg · 13/09/2023 13:34

see, you're already going off on assumption that he would need to lie by omission regarding and hoping that he would...and if he won't or his new partner finds out then all bets are off regarding what will happen to your co-parenting agreement.

Original poster
RosesAreReady · 13/09/2023 13:35

Why is it a lie? If he decides to meet someone else we would stop. I didn’t tell him all the sexual partners I had before him. He would only need to inform them if he was sleeping with us both at the same time but he has told me he isn’t seeing anyone .

OP posts:
PaintedEgg · 13/09/2023 13:39

most people would orefer to know if they are entering someone else's messy situation ... and this is messy. You have children together, you have broken up, but will still have sex and then you will keep in touch presumably at least until kids are all grown up.

you won't have any control over what he will or won't tell this person or what they will find out by themselves.

that being said - sounds like you have already made a decision and you will find any excuse to go ahead with it despite the potential negative impact it will have on your children so...good luck, i guess?

Original poster
RosesAreReady · 13/09/2023 13:41

I actually think many people probably still sleep with their ex for a while after a break up with our without children. There’s zero point in me wondering about a potential new partner he may meet when he hasn’t even met one yet! Most men you meet even on old probably have someone they are still sleeping with.

OP posts:
ManchesterLu · 13/09/2023 13:43

Only the two of you know how you feel about such a setup.
FWB absolutely CAN work, but it can be complicated if one of you wants more..

HerNameIsIncontinentiaButtocks · 13/09/2023 14:12

It would be a clean FWB situation for you, OP, but from your description it very much wouldn't be for him. You should consider how much damage you're likely to do to your co-parent before using him as a fucktoy.

Original poster
RosesAreReady · 13/09/2023 14:14

What do you mean it wouldn’t be for him? If he doesn’t want to he could say no. No one is forcing anyone

OP posts:
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