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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How to find out if someone is cheating

20 replies

AmilyChestnut · 12/09/2023 16:04

Can I find out if someone is cheating by their phone number? Or email address?

I think my friends husband is cheating on her, but how to find proof?

She says he has passwords on everything so she can't check his phone

OP posts:
sr1986 · 12/09/2023 16:14

Check the phone bill maybe

AmilyChestnut · 12/09/2023 16:16

sr1986 · 12/09/2023 16:14

Check the phone bill maybe

I don't think she has access to it

OP posts:
MariePaperRoses · 12/09/2023 16:22

Mileage on car?

Find my phone app?

Has started taking better care of his appearance, new clothes and upped his hygiene routine?

Sudden staying late after work and business meetings at different locations?

Getting irritable with wife for no reason?

Chowtime · 12/09/2023 16:24

The car is key. Where the car goes, he goes.

ZolaBudd · 12/09/2023 16:25

Apple tag thinb

AmilyChestnut · 12/09/2023 16:26

MariePaperRoses · 12/09/2023 16:22

Mileage on car?

Find my phone app?

Has started taking better care of his appearance, new clothes and upped his hygiene routine?

Sudden staying late after work and business meetings at different locations?

Getting irritable with wife for no reason?

He's always been disrespectful, and has form for cheating. He had an affair when she was pregnant 12 years ago.

Someone messaged her recently from where he's from and told her he's been having an affair with her, my friend believed her husband when he says it's not true.

He's going to the gym again, they both are and share a personal trainer. There was a night out for gym goers and he told her he didn't want to go so she didn't need to get sitter, tells her he's going Saturday morn when too late for sitter.

He's taking better care of his appearance.

He's started his own business and works away whenever he needs to, no question from wife

I think she's in denial. She doesn't know her worth and just puts up with his shit. He's abusive in other ways - financial. He gaslights her whenever he questions him.

They've been married 15 years, have kids and she's only mid 30s.

I think she will only leave him if there is concrete evidence

OP posts:
C1N1C · 12/09/2023 16:28

Quite a few options...

Join the dating sites (might cost money) and narrow your searches to within say 5 miles, his age (plus or minus 5 years as some lie), and things you KNOW he will be describing himself as.

Do reverse image searches on some of his favourite pictures... unlikely to find anything but you might strike lucky.

Maybe entrap him... say you noticed him at x place (where you know he was) and asked someone if you could have his number... start flirting...

Go on his social media and see whether he's been giving anyone attention recently (likes etc).

Obvious changes like new clothes, aftershave, gym memberships.

How secretive is he with his phone? I could hand mine over to my partner and not think twice about it! Leave yours upstairs to charge and ask to borrow his to book tickets or something time consuming.

Chowtime · 12/09/2023 16:29

She'll leave him when she's ready to leave him. Concrete evidence or not.

As her friend, your job is to be there for her with wine and chocolate and a listening ear when that day comes.

AmilyChestnut · 12/09/2023 16:31

Chowtime · 12/09/2023 16:29

She'll leave him when she's ready to leave him. Concrete evidence or not.

As her friend, your job is to be there for her with wine and chocolate and a listening ear when that day comes.

I know. I don't want to offer her unwanted advice when she wants an ear, but I also know she is worthy of so much more. Ive known her years and it's always been the same .

OP posts:
FortheBeautyoftheEarth · 12/09/2023 16:39

I think if you know someone well, it's normally really obvious. On a gut level you just know.

But I appreciate it sounds like perhaps she is in denial. It's a tricky one really. Maybe she could borrow a phone with a number he doesn't know and send a flirty and familiar text - see what he replies?

AmilyChestnut · 12/09/2023 16:42

FortheBeautyoftheEarth · 12/09/2023 16:39

I think if you know someone well, it's normally really obvious. On a gut level you just know.

But I appreciate it sounds like perhaps she is in denial. It's a tricky one really. Maybe she could borrow a phone with a number he doesn't know and send a flirty and familiar text - see what he replies?

She says her gut tells her something is up. She's not been eating and has had an upset tummy for days

OP posts:
Wherearemymarbles · 12/09/2023 17:10

Tricky
she cam monitor mileage on the car
hide her phone in the car and then she can see where the phone went
dating app
but it sounds like unless she catches him redhanded she wont do anything

OpenWife · 17/07/2024 12:46

the phone in the car is a good one. a guy i was seeing was tracked by his wife this way. we were using a hotel so it was pretty obvious.
There are lots of clues take home with them which wives miss unless they look.
eg
sperm stains on boxers/briefs
receipts
marks on the body. those little scratches etc, particularly on the back, the buttock and the neck area.

good luck

StasisMom · 17/07/2024 13:11

Check Satnav, a la Cindy in EastEnders...

Felch · 17/07/2024 13:13

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

icelollycraving · 17/07/2024 13:17

Someone has told her and she has decided to not believe.
Being with a very controlling man is terribly hard. You could find all the proof she needs and she may well still stay. Put your energy into just being a kind non judgmental friend.
Many people stay with deeply unlikeable partners for a whole host of reasons. The sicky feeling is horrible that she has.

JoyousPinkPeer · 17/07/2024 13:20

Sounds like your friend prefers not to know. Let her decide, it's really not any of your business to pursue this.

Glennyveeve · 17/07/2024 13:24

Controlling people can be very persuasive and also very difficult to leave.

Even in the face of damning evidence victims can doubt themselves and think that they can't leave unless they have concrete proof. Even then it takes several attempts for a victim to leave a controlling partner.

Is she trapped in this relationship e.g. financially?

michelle65265 · 18/08/2024 00:16

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

FernandoGomez · 18/08/2024 13:42

Unfortunately you will never be able to forget and you will never be able to trust him again. He doesn't love you because no one who loves you would act like this. I know you probably don't want to hear this and might not believe it but you don't really love him. You are in love with the person you want him to be not the person that he is behind his mask. You already know this deep down because his actions strip away the mask and it is emotionally painful. Have no doubt he is doing things intentionally that he knows will hurt you throughout your entire relationship. You are a good person with morals so you have difficulty believing he would hurt you intentionally like he is constantly doing.but just like I saw a suggestion here about zipcrak on instagram his professionalism is top notch I will also advise you to contact him he will provide you with massive evidence needed zipcrak is his name on instagram

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