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Relationships

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Still bonded to my ex and can’t stop dreaming. Stockholm syndrome?

2 replies

Banana1979 · 12/09/2023 09:57

I was with my ex for 14 years - it was 8 years when he dumped me after I just gave birth to his baby for a girl, 10 years younger than me
it didn’t work out with her, couple years like a fool, I took him back
since the day I met him, he was physically and mentally abusive towards me cheated on me, gaslit me and was nasty about me to his mum. His family never accepted me despite initially liking me .
like a fool , I’ll let him live with me rent free for many years. He used me for Housing. I was a really pretty girl. He turned me into a stressed out mess now I’m older and he can’t wait to tell me how ugly and old I look. And I do look ugly and old now. I feel the stress he put on me made me like this.
when we were younger, he also coerced me into an abortion, which I have never gotten over
two years ago, I kicked him out, finally for good, but every night since then I dream about him, in my dreams, we are together and happy and I just can’t seem to let him go emotionally. He is still emotionally abusive over the phone, especially when it comes to our daughter who is now 9
he calls me all the names under the Sun, accuses me of being a whore, but I still love him and I don’t understand why . I try to meet other people but I just couldn’t get him out of my head. What is this why am I like this? Is this some sort of Stockholm syndrome? I just want to move on, but mentally I can’t and I want the dreams

to stop

OP posts:
ClementWeatherToday · 12/09/2023 10:04

It sounds like trauma bonding. Have a look into it and see if it matches up with how you feel. I think it's quite common in abusive relationships, like a mental survival strategy.

Well done for finally breaking free of him physically, that must have taken a lot of strength. Have you had any therapy to help you break free from him emotionally? Have you spoken to anyone from Women's Aid? Have you done the Freedom Programme? I would think any of these would be good places to start, if you haven't done them already.

I'm very, very sorry he coerced you into an abortion. I think that is one of the cruellest things anyone can do and it's completely understandable that you are still affected by it 💐

Banana1979 · 12/09/2023 22:20

Thank you so much x

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