I live with the father of my kids . He is tends to be emotionally and verbally abusive and honestly I do retaliate out of anger. We have a toddler (3yrs) and baby 9 months old . He might do the odd cleaning or cooking every now and then but he will complain about it . He never helps with the kids . The most he does is take my son to the park at times and might play with the kids for 5 minutes .But he isn't involved in no aspect of their lives . Last week I had a GP appointment for myself . I asked if he could stay with our toddler at home just for my appointment and I'll go with baby as she will just sit in the buggy . He refused . He lied that he was going out to his mum's house so I questioned why he couldn't take him to his mum and he said I didn't tell him in advance beforehand . Firstly I wasn't aware of his plans and secondly there as nothing stopping jim from going with our toddler , he's not a baby there's nothing to prep except little snacks in his bag. Anyways He didn't go to his mum's . It was a lie . But today I feel is the last straw . After the kids baths I ask him to hold baby so I can throw there nappies in the outside bin. Only would take me a few seconds I only asked because I didn't want her to come out with no clothing on and it was slightly cold. The held her then after that I said I need to wash her bottle quickly and make her a bottle then I'll take her and he got angry. Told me to come and take her now . Kept repeating it over and over even though I said I'm making a bottle . I wasn't taking long. I already had warm water in a flask so after I washed it I was just adding in the formula scoops but it was hard to concentrate with him shouting in the background. Anwyays he says he needs to go bathroom I should come and take her I tell him to come and leave her in the kitchen on his way to the bathroom . He comes into the kitchen holding her saying Fucking take her now or else I will throw the bottle in the bin. I continued making the bottle not responding ( I didn't want to loose tracks of how many scoops I had added in ) so then he kept repeating for me to take her swearing so after I added the scoops I said just put her on the floor for now . And he did so but was shouting angry . He didn't even go bathroom .so that was a lie. But anwyays I took my kids to bed now as I write this post. Just feeling like this is my last straw. He continued to shout saying if I keep disrespecting him I'm going to get the fuck out of his house . Anwyays I'm usually one to respond but I didn't .I didn't because Im done . I'll going to leave . I have a property but have a few issues with it at the moment so won't be able to stay there immediately . I'm waiting for my son to fall asleep then I'll pack my hand luggage.
I guess I am writing this so that when the time comes for me to leave I don't change my mind when I read the comments on here . I just need support . I have left twice before but happen to come back but I'm realising everytime I come back the abuse here worst.
Last time I left I had just given birth 4 days prior and he kept calling me slurs saying I'm a lazy pig and cursing at me all because I was taking a nap whilst baby was asleep during the day so refused to help him to unpack shopping bags when he woke me because I was napping and very tired.
Anwyays I don't know what advice I'm looking for but something that can motivate me to take the first step I need to ..
I've also just started an online course and really don't want so much stress getting in the way as I want to hopefully get a decent job next year but I won't be able to handle such stress