Hello All! I have been with my husband for 12 years. We do have children together. We dont have a whole lot to do with each other. The last few years have been very rocky and it only seems to get worse. He does have mental health issues ( not really diagnosed but i no he does) BUT never gets help or talks to anyone and always seems to think he can control himself by himself and so on but its obvious he cant. I am a stay at home mom. I dont have help (babysitters) and cant afford daycare. i asked for money for things and was told i need to get a job (not in a joking matter either). He did eventually give me some, but still. He does drink alcohol after work. Anyway he is just so hateful and rude and cusses at me! he will tell me im a bitch or whore or that he hates me or just say the rudest things to me when im not even doing anything. He never apologizes He literally carries on like nothing happened or like he isnt mean. He recently threw food at me that he had in his hand when he got mad and the food got all in my hair. He can be very jealous. He will try to flip the script and tell me i make him act that the way he does. Every few months we have a conversation about our marriage but the last time we had that conversation he kept telling me im giving up on my marriage and thats not the case. Hes always so ill and Sometimes i feel like im walking on egg shells not knowing what hes gonna do or say or if im gonna say the wrong thing and piss him off. He told me recently i need him more than he needs me. i dont think he thinks i can make it without him. (im a SAHM) Im just tired, mentally. physically, emotionally tired.. We rarely are sexual. Its once every few months if that. I feel like when im around him or even in the same room as him i instantly get down/depressed/stressed. Things arent like they used to be and we havent been right in a few years. My husband i know isnt happy either ( he actually said he was leaving the other day (he didnt) because i said something i guess he didnt agree with. This has been a ongoing process off and on for atleast 2 years and im tired. If hes unhappy to and knows its just not working anymore why does he always act against splitting? There has been times when weve talked about our marriage or splitting up and he talks about harming himself and that really bothers me. He says i dont try but honestly its like i cant.. he has said or done such hurtful things and those words stick with me.. Ofcourse nobody can tell me exactly what to do but i just need advice from others.. This is not me giving up my long term marriage.. this is im tired of being unhappy. Like im literally exhausted.. I know i and my kids and even my husband deserve better. My heart tells me we will be better off not together and that our kids are better off but im afraid of what his reaction will be or how he will act because he will often threaten to act crazy. Do i stay in my unhappy marriage since we have been together so long or do i get the strength an courage to get away? Sorry for the long post. Any advice is greatly appreciated.