I would really appreciate others thoughts as I am beginning to question my own sanity over this.
I discovered that my partner of 18 months had his ex visit his house. He said she needed to borrow money and had lent her cash. He apologised and said he hadn't told me as he thought I would be upset. Which I was.
The issue festered and something just didn't feel right. After a lot of arguing and asking questions, I have gathered the following information:
- He said she was dropped off my a friend and he then booked her a taxi to go home.
- He did not want to tell me how much money she borrowed and then has changed the amounts from £150 to £50. I asked if I could see his bank statement showing the withdrawn cash and he has said no, as it wouldn't prove anything and he thinks he just had the cash on him (I have never known him have this much cash on his though)
- He initially said that he lent her money as she is a good person and he felt bad for breaking up with her. Later he changed this to say that the visit ended badly as she began to insult me and he told her to leave and shut the door in her face.
Things just don't add up and I don't believe. I have a key to his house (he keeps using this as a reason why he could never cheat!) but I was away that weekend with family.
I have also found lots of long black hair in his house - I am blonde.
This situation has made me feel very suspicious and I have found myself doing things I would never usually do. I found her FB and when I looked she was on holiday and wearing a cap that looked exactly the same as his. This was especially pertinent as that week he had come to my house wearing a new cap he had just bought, saying he had lost his. I was angry and messaged her asking WTF? She replied - english is not her first language and a lot of messages were really hard to understand. She sent a screenshot of a conversation that she said was between them two - he invited her over and said to wear something sexy and told her he was now single. There was no name and no date - just his number. She wouldn't tell me when it was from. I had already confronted my partner about it and she sent me another screenshot that had a message from him saying he wanted her to send a message to him, copying and pasting something he had typed. I don't know what, it wasn't included in the screenshot.
I have confronted him and he has flat out denied anything has happened between them since they split. He says that may have used an app to make up a fake whatsapp message. He said he has no idea how she has the hat but thinks she may have got a key made to his house and come in to take stuff. He has repeatedly told me that I have no strong evidence and I should believe him that she is mental and jealous and doing this to try and break us up. In fairness to his, there may be a little truth in this but also, if he was continuing to string her along, maybe not.
I honestly think he is gaslighting me. I have no one I can talk to about this and I am starting to question my own versions of events.
I would be so grateful for any thoughts or advice. As I type it out, it sounds so immature and I am really not proud of my stalking-type behaviour but I felt desperate to know the truth.