Butlins 90s weekender Minehead

[MrsGr8]

So my husband has just told me this morning he's going to butlins for the weekend with the lads. Can anyone be honest with me and tell me what happens there?
Thanks in advance.

Yea, he just told me he's going and it was booked a few months ago.. Apparently.. We've just welcomed our second child into this world. And I'm feeling like he's just completely disregarded us and our feelings. It's not like I can just book a ticket and go where ever I please at the drop of a hat. I've tried to explain but he just doesn't get it. I'm not one for going out and partying or holidays with my friends as I've done all that. I'm old enough and wise enough to just stay in my bubble and have family holidays, but obviously that's just me...?

I’m going to caveat this with, this obviously isn’t everyone else’s experience.

I went to one for the first time last year and honestly, I couldn’t believe my eyes. I couldn’t believe that grown adults could behave the way they were (I’d obviously heard stories but never actually witnessed it myself). It was like they’d never seen the opposite sex before - this is probably my naivety.

I went with a group of women ranging in ages, I only knew 2 of them. But a couple of them had long standing ‘friends’ who they met up with every year, twice a year. Each party was either partnered up with kids or married with kids but they always arrange to meet up at these weekends and spend their whole weekend together.

I’ve never been approached so many times whilst out and made to feel quite uncomfortable at times, as I did that weekend. It was shocking. I said to my DH when I got home that I would question again why anyone would want to go on one of those weekends. And this was a soul and Motown weekend with an older crowd.

I've been with the girls and as part of a group with our Husbands too and never experienced this at Bognor.

It's a great weekend with good music and good laughs and lots of drink.

You need to address the lack of trust.

Another one who goes to the Shiiine Weekender in Minehead. I go with a friend who is single and we manage to not shag anyone else or each other, it really isn't that kind of deal. I don't think I've even seen anyone having a crafty snog anywhere.

I found it pretty laid back and last year I only had one weird interaction with a bloke all weekend, and another guy clocked it and put himself between me and the slightly well-oiled chap until he wandered off again.

Most of these events have unofficial Facebook groups if you want to do a vibe check?

I’ve been going to these weekends for a few years with a group of work colleagues. All married bar one person and we go to relax, have a drink and dance with our mates. Found the majority of people to be the same. There’s a lot of drinking, but I’ve never seen a fight. I’m sure if you wanted to cheat the opportunity would be there, and no doubt some people go with the intention of pulling, but that’s about the person, not the venue.

I've been to them all. Apart from Shiine I found the 90's weekend at Minehead the least wild tbh. The 80's & 70's are the best as you can really go to town dressing for those decades. It's as wild as you want to make it. It's not obligatory to end up in bed with someone! Nothing happens there that wouldn't happen on a night out in your local city. You either trust him or you don't.
Me & my friends have had a great time dressing up, having a dance & a laugh. We got chattied up & enjoyed the banter; but we're all married & the only beds we slept in were our own - on our own!

@DobbyTheHouseElk I've been to a few different ones in Bognor & your post sounds like a bit of an exaggeration. Locals too scared to go out😅 & I've never seen a fight at any of them, even in Bognor

It's like any event where people are away overnight and alcohol is involved.

Some people (men and women) will he looking to go away for a few days with their mates and have some fun reliving their youth, getting drunk and dancing; some people will also be planning on copping off with someone else.

Quite a few of my friends have been to the punk weekends. They're all couples and go as couples. There are families there. Every time there have been men scoping out other women and every time there have been women on the pull.

So it's not a weekend of shagging randomers disguised as a music weekend but there are people who go hoping for that.

Only you know your husband and what sort of weekend he is hoping it would be for him. It doesn't matter how many women are interested in him if he is the faithful sort. If he isn't, he'll go looking whether they're interested or not.

Nothing happens there that wouldn't happen on a night out in your local city. You either trust him or you don't.

That's the crux of it.

The OP was talking about Minehead. It certainly happens there on adult weekenders. Not exaggerating. My friend in the police will tell you that. Locals do hate the adult weekends. They don’t feel safe and stay in.

I’ve been to a couple and don’t recognise this at all. Yes there’s plenty of boozing, but also plenty of people up with the lark doing the minehead parkrun, and generally just people having a nice time with their friends having a drink and a dance.

I've been to Shine in Minehead and a 90s Weekender in Bognor.

Shine is definitely about the music. It's pretty much like any other festival but with better facilities.

The Bognor Weekender was more of a hen and stag atmosphere but it was no sleazier than any other club in the UK. There were lots of silly costumes and the crowd was friendly. I was with a group of 12 women and not one of us was hassled. I'm sure if someone really wanted a shag, we could have found it - but that's true of any big night out!

So I wouldn't worry about the location. But you have every right to be pissed off that he booked it months ago and didn't discuss it with you.

You obviously don't trust him. Nothing to do with going away.

Have you thought it might be healthy for your marriage to see what he has at home is worth being faithful for? Also, you dont know what you might want to do when you are able to go away with your girlfriends in future. Dont stifle eachother in marriage - my husband did, I was 100% faithful for 20 years and had grief every time I wanted to do something with friends which didn't involve him. My divorce is coming through soon... just saying.

@DobbyTheHouseElk yes I misread your post, it was late at night. I thought you yourself was talking about Bognor. That said, I've been to music weekends at all 3 & never seen a fight. If you want to cheat you don't need Butlins to do it.
Like a pp said I find Friday night is the drunkest, Saturday night is the night for going to town on your outfit. Sunday nights are a bit more chilled out as some people go home, ready for work on Monday.
I've found the 90's weekends & Shiine, both of which I've done at Minehead, to be the more chilled out & less raucous ones.
I'd be crosser about it not being discussed first, especially if they have very young children

My husband went on one 9 years ago. He was so out of it he fell and tore both knee ligaments. He lied where he was who he was with how it happened. Never ending. He was in braces for almost a year. 3 years ago he admitted he was at a different butlins. Last year I heard he was somewhere else. These adult weekenders are like his soul weekender s. Carte blanched to literally be filthy. I overheard a wo.an talking about the fancy dress how they loved planning ot all year. My husband coykdnt be contacted for 3 whole days. They are destructive. I'm divorcing him. He was actually annoyed I found out.

So my husband has been. It definitely wasn't a great idea to go. He told a few lies and I found out. His friend he went with, who's in a relationship, slept with other girls, yes different girls. There's alot of drugs. It almost broke us as he came back a different person, I was in contact with a solicitor it was that bad. I still don't understand what happened that made him a different person. I feel there are more lies and more stuff happened but I'm never going to find them out.
Thanks to all that's messaged. Just thought I should update.

I'm sorry to read your update, for me the trust would be gone and I would be getting ready to leave. I would imagine you haven't had the full picture from him and will always be wondering what else happened.
To be honest, the fact he didn't tell you until well after it was booked and you had just had a baby tells you how much respect this man has for you and his family.

Again alotvofcthexposts are quote positive. And yes it's there if f they want it. I totally trusted my husband . Because I thought I was enough. But looking back his raging moods hidden fons and the gradual arrogance . It was one or 2 weekends away. Every quarter. Then boys sat nights out. Then complete disregard for me or our 4 boys. . It was his own pal who called me to say he was put of control. As it is apparently he was same when my back was turned. A weekend away with pals should be fun etc. But I realised the thrill around the lead up. The excessive fon bills. I'm at the almost end If a divorce. He's actually annoyed I'm doing it. He's never apologise. He's now actually denying everything. He's only sorry vos he was caught. And has tried to turn it on me. Sonevmen and women are like rabbits no faithfulness no protection..no need for it. I guess sine people are just built that way.
It's had a massive effect on our sons. But I believe it's not everyone. I think today's society wants everything..disposable

@MrsGr8 if he came back a different man I think it’s obvious he’s cheated on you. Alongside his friend also cheating, it sounds like the trip was booked with that mindset. It all sounds very sordid.

My husband had been revealed apologised promised ge do anything. Few months later at my brothers wedding caught with a girl from hen do. Let again I tried. He then on our return secretly booked another weekend away..vos he wanted to see this girl he'd been fixated on 1 last time.. this cow kept in contact continually.

Looking back it's shameful what you dint realise you put up eith and how you excuse it and how sine men continually spun it. And reverse it

Are you separated ?
I came to say that if he tooke your relationship seriously he wouldn’t have booked to go to one of these places . There are nights out and there is asking for trouble when you are married . Why put yourself in that situation .

Your update . He slept with/met someone Else that’s what changed him.!
He wants single life shagging around instead of commitment to his family.!

Are you doing ok OP do you have help with the dc ?

@Terencepancakes I am really sorry for you and your sons. You deserve so much better.

I know and I just have to keep reminding myself of that. People thiink im a confident pretty funny woman. With 4 great sons. I'm a comedy actress..with a good CV.
But as an actress you do cover. It's taken me over 20 years to admit it all. Shame and fear and humiliation stops you. One day you have a hisband etc and a circle of friends and next it's gone
.because I found out and actually asked questions and was angry. In his own words he wanted the 2 lives. And now resents me . I'm now able to say ho di what you want. But on all honesty I asked to go with him. Etc. Some people love the thrill. And it seems marraige friendship etc dont count.
I've had girls weekends away 4 day sun breaks. We eat food get a tan dress up and chat with each other.
Its sad but not all people ate like that. Anyway ..new year ..New life..new adventures. Xx