That's it, really. There's been a death in the extended family and my sister and I were reminiscing about our parents (dead a while now) and various aunts and uncles. I lived in the same region as several of my mum's family and kept in touch and visited them (often with my DM) and got to know them quite well when I was in my 20s and 30s. My DS went abroad to study at 18 and was gone for six years, married on her return to the UK and lived 250 miles away from the main core of the elderly family members, so only saw them at weddings and funerals.
She says that these older aunts and uncles cut her out of their lives and now says she feels angry and hurt by their behaviour. I can't remember her mentioning them for years at a time. If she'd wanted to send them a Christmas card or visit them I'd have happily put her in touch. I said to her pretty much what I've said here — that they never really got to know her because she wasn't around, that they always asked about her and her DH and DC, I kept them up to date with the basics of what was going on in her life and I didn't see any ill will or cutting out. I was polite and not argumentative.
She's responded with an angry message saying that I am 'invalidating her lived experience' and that it's not for me to deny her truth. I'm not denying that she feels what she feels and I certainly haven't told her she's wrong. All I've said is that I see it differently and explained why.
She has fairly recently started counselling/ therapy after falling out very badly with her daughter, who's gone NC, and now she's started using what I think of as 'therapy speak'. Ideas, please, for a cheery response that acknowledges that's how she feels but that I'm allowed to see things differently. I can't quite find the words without sounding insincere or without an eye-roll showing.