What would you think?

[crosom]

I am getting married, we have just booked the venue and registrar and paid deposits. Date set and communicated to family and friends.

Yesterday I did a financial plan of estimated costs. Including everything my DP says he wants. For example, pay for hotels for his kids, suits for 15 men, a band etc. as you can imagine, the estimated costs were high.

My DP unbeknownst to me has been up half the night. I woke this morning to him asking to postpone the wedding for another year, making it three years away.

This has shocked me. I have said to him that we could just consider just cutting back on costs. We don't need to do all the things discussed and estimated cost for. He then Said forget he'd mentioned it and to carry on as planned and just hope we can find the money. My response was there are now two choices based on his "revelation" this morning, postpone or reduce the costs. I have explained that I can't just forget he has asked to postpone the wedding now and pretend it didn't happen.

I am insecure anyway, I had a really abusive first marriage. This has left me feeling a little insecure. He has assured me this is money reasons only and nothing else. But I can't shift that sinking feeling now.

Any opinions??

He can't have what he can't afford. Is he worried about losing face with his friends?

In terms of your insecurities - it sounds like it genuinely is the thought of money that has made him suggest waiting another year rather than anything personal/relationship wise.

However you're right, you can't bury your heads in the sand. Either cut costs or wait another year. It's a conversation you need to have. But if a big elaborate wedding is what he wants and is happy to spend another year saving for it then I don't think it's a reflection on you.

Suits for 15 men? That’s not the norm is it?

Its not insecure to want to sort it out. As you said, he should lower his expectations of the wedding, no one will notice, needs to lower the costs, waiting 3 year is too long, a year is a year. x

I can't understand that suits for 15 men. Who on earth does that?

Can you tell us whether you earn more than your partner? Is he on a good wage?

Marrying him will be one of the biggest decisions of your life. If he wants to spend more than he has then that will have repercussions for you.

Try to put your insecurities aside - and think.
Why would YOU want to marry someone who has no financial sense?
This need to be showing off when you cant afford it is a really bad sign. It shows that he’d rather put you both in debt than think rationally. And that he cant see beyond his desires.
This wont end well. This sort of selfishness and stupidity is not a great basis for long term partnership. You cant count on him.

Unless he wakes up from this temporary insanity - dont go there.

Suits for 15 men??? Don't know what to even say to that… And why not dresses then? Kidding of course, however…

His mate's and his family should get their own suits fir a start - maybe some pay for groom, best man, usher and page boy if there is on - but 15! That is ridiculous.