I always had a difficult relationship with my dad. Growing up he wasn't very warm or emotionally present. I always got the impression that he simply did not like me and preferred my siblings.
Now he's got older he seems to have changed a bit. He's started a new hobby (he never had any hobbies at all) which is quite a creative hobby. He has been sharing his creations (sorry trying not to be specific) with us all and it's thrown me a bit. It's not the kind of thing he ever would have done before. Im being encouraging and showing an interest but I can't help but think that it's exactly the kind of hobby that I'd have had growing up that he would have scoffed at or thought was stupid and taken zero interest in.
I know he can't change the past but I guess I feel a bit jealous that I never knew that side of him. There's a sort of sincerity and vulnerability there thats come with putting himself out there with this hobby that's surprised me. And I think part of me kind of hoped that when I saw that change in him it would also change the way he acts towards me but it hasn't of course.
My mum is more difficult to explain. She was always the "good" parent and I was very close with her, told her everything, she was the most important person to me etc.
At the same time she's always been kind of critical and... I want to say moody? Like she will randomly very clearly become really pissed off but insist nothing is wrong when you ask. It's always a bit like walking on eggshells with her. She's always been this way but I think it's got worse as she's gotten older.
When I was younger we would often just have the best time. We would laugh so hard that our bellies hurt and we would have so much fun just watching tv together. When we talked it felt like we were really on the same page.
I've just realised I haven't laughed with her in years. We still talk and it's often nice but we don't ever laugh.
I think she changed a lot when she went through the menopause and she's never gone back to how she was before. I would still describe us as close - we still talk regularly, I tell her about what's going on in my life, look forward to chatting to her etc - but it's just not the same.
I keep thinking maybe I need to step back and stop visiting as much because I get the feeling she sees having me over as a chore.
I have a baby and I feel like she's not connected with him like she did her other grandkids (he's my first child but my siblings have teenage children). When she visits she always finds a reason to leave again really quickly (which was also true before having my baby). I get this feeling she just wants to get the visit over with.
I've tried doing things we used to enjoy like watching comedy movies but every time she ends up just playing on her phone during it.
Often when I'm at her house with my baby she will go and sit in the other room for ages, leaving me with him and I end up feeling like I might as well just be at home. He's a baby, not a toddler, so not old enough to misbehave in the way that it might be something to do with my parenting. She just doesn't seem that bothered.
I've known a couple of people lose their parents lately and this is what has brought all this on. Even the mere thought of that day coming is too painful to consider. I'm really trying to make the most of this time and of still having them here but I keep feeling like we are ships in the night. I've realised tonight that when I think of losing them, I'm thinking about who they were when I was young and those people already no longer really fully exist.
They're only early 60s if that makes a difference.
Would love to hear from others on how your relationship with your parents has changed over time and especially once you had your own children. Since having my baby I've really reflected on my childhood and my relationship with my own parents and it's brought up some unresolved issues.