Is this friendship toxic or just childish?

[hatethisweather]

Oh this is a long story, I’ll only bore everybody if I go into too much detail.

Bit of back story. We have been friends for over 15 years. Not best friends but local friends if that makes sense. Our dds who were friends through us, have now grown apart as they reach the teenage years. I think that’s quite normal but df is not accepting that our dds have grown apart and basically has taken a massive dislike towards my dd. I know dd has done nothing wrong and I stood up for her when df accused her of many things.

Fast forward a year. We still meet up but things aren’t the same. Both our dds are happy out in new friend groups and occasionally meet up together, get on and there is no issue between. DF continues to make things awkward between us and I can’t mention my dd without being shut down but she can talk away about her dd.

mysejf and 3 friends ( she’s one of them) are due to go away for my ‘big’ birthday next week. Other dfs are excited and looking forward to it but this df shuts down the conversation every time the holiday is mentioned. She doesn’t respond to texts on the group about the holiday but responds about other topics.
I want to confront her and ask her what her problem is, but I hate confrontation! I’m also unsure if she’s actually toxic or just plain childish! Either way, I’m threading on egg shells around her and find I get nothing out of this friendship anymore.

It’s complicated by having mutual friends and the pending holiday. My head is fried and it’s sucking the joy out of the holiday. I don’t enjoy her company anymore and I know that sounds mean but it’s true.

I really want to go on this holiday but I can’t exactly un-invite her. I’ve had no holiday this year and I’ve saved really hard for this.

I know after the holiday I will be distancing myself from her but what to do in the meantime…. The holiday is next week. It all sounds very childish but it’s so very draining.

Do I just go and get on with the holiday cos I’ll ruin it for everyone if I say anything now? I hate this.

Not sure what I expect from this post but it’s good to get it off my chest anyway. Thanks in advance.

Just go and enjoy your holiday. Don't engage with any of the drama around this woman and when ye get back you can let the friendship drift. Its very common for kids who are friends due to their mom's to drift apart once they become teens as really they have nothing in common. She obviously doesn't get that or her dd has been telling her stuff about your dd or has taken it more seriously.
But don't let any of that ruin your holiday especially as you have others friends going.
Just enjoy yourself.

@junebirthdaygirl thank you. Yes, I think you’re right. Saying something now will only cause more drama and I’ve had enough drama around this. I’ve a lot of other ( more pressing ) stresses in my life and I’m not quite sure why this is affecting me so much, when it’s actually quite trivial and childish.
I’ll try to put it aside and make the most of the holiday.
thanks again

I agree with this. No need to give any attention to her passive aggressive beg

Enjoy but let it faze out going forward. Im not keep one sided friendships going any more

Perhaps while on the holiday try not to be alone with her and never discuss your Dd with her.

If it seems appropriate you perhaps could speak with one of the other friends, to help out or ask if they notice this.

I had something similar with a friend. Her Dd did some really crazy stuff and I sympathised and listened to her.

I happened to mention my Dd was having a difficult time with her landlord, she was so unsympathetic and said the landlord probably had problems of his own.

Enjoy your holiday. If she want to go as planned good, if she doesn't good. If she behaves like a child during the holidays just don't fall for it and enjoy anyway.

Once you are back, carry on with your life. She wants attention, don't give it to her.

Thanks everyone, yes, I agree she’s being passive aggressive.
I’ll go and enjoy the holiday that I’ve saved so hard for and ignore ( or at least try ) the behaviour. I’ll be civil to her but I do think it’s time I moved away from this friendship. I’m not feeling it anymore and it’s draining me.
Thanks again.