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Original poster

Why do men just ignore you?

21 replies

loveacuddle1 · 10/09/2023 22:03

I was pretty much ignored for the last 3 years of my marriage, taken for granted and I never felt appreciated. ExH told me he never took me out because he didn’t enjoy my company. Divorced.

Fell into a FWB arrangement with someone else a few months after divorce. I didn’t realise that’s what it was and thought it was something more. He gave me lots of attention and took me out and treated me well. We shared really personal stuff and I supported him through a bereavement but then I started getting ignored and when I asked him about it that’s when I realised he saw me as nothing more than a FWB. So I ended it and was heartbroken afterwards.

Fast forward a couple of months and I met up with someone from OLD. We had a lovely lunch, seemed to click but it transpired that due to child care arrangements we’d never be free on the same weekend etc… so nothing came of it… until he reached out a couple of weeks ago to say he’d been thinking about me as he was talking to someone who shares the same hobby as me. Anyway we met up again for a drink, got on really well. He texted that night to say he’d love to meet up again. We texted most days and now he’s gone quiet too. I texted him last week (after he’d gone quiet) just asking his weekend was and he said he’d had a bereavement so I said that I was sorry to hear that and hoped the funeral goes ok.
No reply. So I texted again 2 days ago just saying hi and that I hoped everything was ok, and again no reply.

For context, I’m mid 40s, good job, good friends, level headed, keep myself fit and I think look reasonably attractive. I don’t lack confidence. But I’m not sure what I’m doing wrong and how these men feel I’m not good enough to even reply to a text!!

OP posts:
PimpMyFridge · 10/09/2023 22:06

I think it's them that's not good enough. Especially the last one, that's just basic bad manners.
Don't change, just acknowledge there are a lot of shabby humans out there and you won't settle for anything less than someone who recognises your good qualities and appreciates the lovely effort you make to create a nice relationship.

Loubelle70 · 10/09/2023 22:09

I get ya. My ex of 25 years ignored me same way for 15 years ish. He stopped going out with me too.

This other guy you mention, sounds like he was just bored at the time, never mind his reasoning about someone similar interest to you reminded him of you lol... that's just crap tbh. He was bored, you replied, he carried that on until he wasnt bored anymore, now radio silence. Block him OP.

Theres many reasons men ignore, if they ignore you when no reason not to. They arent interested in you. Sorry to be blunt. Xxx

Original poster
loveacuddle1 · 10/09/2023 22:09

I feel like texting him again and telling him it is bad manners. But I won’t. I’ve deleted his number and all the messages

OP posts:
ManicMum2023 · 10/09/2023 22:10

There is nothing wrong with you .. it's men! They are idiots full stop.

Continue being you and just have fun and when you least expect it you will meet somebody.

ManicMum2023 · 10/09/2023 22:12

Also the answer to your question about men ignoring you / ghosting you .. they just want sex and fun and know they ain't going to get easily with certain women so they ghost them.

Like I said before men are pricks. Hahahaha

Loubelle70 · 10/09/2023 22:13

loveacuddle1 · 10/09/2023 22:09

I feel like texting him again and telling him it is bad manners. But I won’t. I’ve deleted his number and all the messages

Block him OP X

DGConsultant · 10/09/2023 22:17

Op, sadly the modern world, exaserbated by OLD and people thinking that other people don't deserve consideration and are fundamentally disposable. Ghosting is very prevalent. Bloke, 36, and the same has happened to me once or twice. Try and don't get to emotionally invested until you are sure they are into you, too.

Original poster
loveacuddle1 · 10/09/2023 22:25

I’m not sure I can block him
now as I’ve deleted all
his details.

But for gods sake… in my opinion I feel I’m a good catch. So if they feel I’m not good enough then Fck them all! I’m cross tbh. The last one didn’t need to get back in touch with me a couple of weeks ago - he should have left me alone if he would ultimately ignore me.

OP posts:
DGConsultant · 10/09/2023 22:28

Well exactly. It is horrible dating online for both men and women, hence I've given up.

ManicMum2023 · 10/09/2023 23:00

Don't get so emotionally invested in one man.

Go out and date multiple men and enjoy yourself.

Basically don't put your eggs in one basket .. that way you won't care if men ghost you.

fetchacloth · 10/09/2023 23:03

Nothing you're doing wrong OP, it's the men. They're dicks.🙄

Loubelle70 · 10/09/2023 23:05

fetchacloth · 10/09/2023 23:03

Nothing you're doing wrong OP, it's the men. They're dicks.🙄

This ^

fetchacloth · 10/09/2023 23:07

DGConsultant · 10/09/2023 22:28

Well exactly. It is horrible dating online for both men and women, hence I've given up.

I feel the same way.
If I'm alone for the rest of my life then so be it.🫥

DGConsultant · 10/09/2023 23:09

@ManicMum2023 has It right. As a bloke, I used to get hung up on women, and when they ghosted me, It hurt. Only solution is really be more discerning, never think less of yourself, never allow anyone to screw around with your own valuable time, It took a mate to ram that home to me, and find a way to be happy single, then if someone lovely turns up, a guy who Isn't a dick, It will be a pleasant surprise.

GreyCarpet · 11/09/2023 07:23

Well it's obviously not you.

It's not going to work out with everyone you go out with/date/whatever. I know many people (men and women) who go into every relationship thinking this will be the one!

Whereas I tend to think they're on a probationary period and assume I am too.

This is what people mean when they talk about being emotionally invested to soon - until about 6 months, they're just 'someone I'm seeing' and it could end at any time on either side for any reason. After that, they become someone I'm 'going out with' and I might start to think of them as my boyfriend.

It's not about you being 'good enough'. Some people (not men, people) have no intention of settling into a relationship; some are looking for one but want to be sure that person is really right for them; and some will throw themselves in at the deep end and make it work whether it does in reality or not.

You need to reframe your thinking - none of these were men you would want to be with long term anyway if they lack basic manners and decency so and if it turns out they're looking for something different to you, you just get out of it. If they end it, then it wasn't right for them so they got out of it.

It took me 10 years to meet someone I considered having an actual relationship with post divorce. I dated a bit, had a couple of 3-6 month flings but none of them were men I'd have wanted to he with longer term. So I moved on.

lemonsaretheonlyfruit · 11/09/2023 07:31

I didn't even get to meet the man I was supposed to on Thursday night. We'd been chatting on hinge. We live about ten minutes walk from each other. Sorted which pub we were meeting at around 5pm and his last message was 'really looking forward to meeting you' .. I got there first and messaged him asking what he'd like to drink. No response. I looked at hinge at 7.45 and saw he'd unmatched me. Sat there in a packed beer garden pondering.. Then it dawned on me that he'd blocked me on WhatsApp. I mean wtf? I'll never understand these men. I came to the conclusion that he's absolutely not the kind of man I'd want in my life anyway. The right person (and a decent one) wouldn't do the kind of things that you have been subjected to, nor stand someone up in a pub. It's them not you.

Loubelle70 · 11/09/2023 08:39

@lemonsaretheonlyfruit thats shitty of him to say the least but sadly theres many out there. A lot of men on DOL are attached but just want the validation, attention and ego boost, when it comes to the crunch after wasting your time, they disappear. Sorry you went out your way, his loss x

Watchkeys · 11/09/2023 10:36

Just drop anyone who gives you negative feelings. Don't invest too much that you can't walk away, until you've known them for long enough that you feel you can trust.

There are a lot of rude, disrespectful people in the world. How much of your life you choose to give to waiting for them/thinking about them/judging yourself according to their actions is on you, not them.

Gettingbysomehow · 11/09/2023 10:44

Men are like that, they think they are much more important than us and deserve super models even the fat ugly ones.
Both my husbands treated me like a servant after years of marriage and pretty much ignored me. It is usually only after it is too late and you've dumped them finally that they realise all the things you did for them.
Even walking down the street men will bump into you because you are invisible.

Loubelle70 · 11/09/2023 10:54

Gettingbysomehow · 11/09/2023 10:44

Men are like that, they think they are much more important than us and deserve super models even the fat ugly ones.
Both my husbands treated me like a servant after years of marriage and pretty much ignored me. It is usually only after it is too late and you've dumped them finally that they realise all the things you did for them.
Even walking down the street men will bump into you because you are invisible.

^this
Unless youre a slim tall blonde with big boobs..they notice lol. (not slating blonde women with big boobs , just that men are easy to understand on this.)
I watched once, a guy be a right bas*tard to their wife/partner in the pub, good looking nice figure woman walks past them to the bar and he does the sickly sweet schoolboy stuff and making out hes really nice with wife and looking at this OW whilst doing it hoping she would notice (just incase she said run away with me you're amazing 😒), all within 1 minute! Wtf

Watchkeys · 11/09/2023 11:15

Gettingbysomehow · 11/09/2023 10:44

Men are like that, they think they are much more important than us and deserve super models even the fat ugly ones.
Both my husbands treated me like a servant after years of marriage and pretty much ignored me. It is usually only after it is too late and you've dumped them finally that they realise all the things you did for them.
Even walking down the street men will bump into you because you are invisible.

You poor thing, to have only experienced shitty men.

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