Hey everyone,
My name is S, I am the eldest of my amazing Mum. I have had a change of circumstance and my mum has offered me a room in her house until I can get some of my bits sorted out.
Since spending more time here it has become quite apparent to me that the relationship between my mum and my step dad is not okay. I will admit I feel ashamed that I didn't notice this was going on before spending more time at my mum's home.
In a nutshell my step dad is an alcoholic. He works during the week, but as soon as he gets home from work he is pouring a drink for himself. He spends all his time sitting in the kitchen watching music videos on youtube, smoking and drinking. He will come out occasionally to the living room to berate my mum or say something vindictive.
The things he said are almost out of misplaced anger. He is angry with his own life and he is taking it out on her. She is so unhappy with him, doesn't love him anymore and wants to be out of this situation. The 'issue' is that the home is as much hers and she doesn't want to uproot and leave to start a new life again. It doesn't feel fair that an angry alcoholic is able to 'win' in this situation.
His carelessness has also made him a danger to my brother's children. He has almost caused physical harm to my niece due to lack of care. The only saving grace was that the liquid he spilled on her (gravy) happened to have gone cold. Without going into it too much, the actions he took that lead to this incident would not have been performed by a sober sound of mind individual.
He is at a point with his drinking that he will drink all day on weekends and still drive to the shops (to get more alcohol and cigarettes). He is driving under the influence. We know we need to report him, due to his controlling nature when he does lose his license he will make mum drive him to and from work. He will make himself more dependent on her.
His physical health is failing due to his constant need to drink. He barely eats and complains occasionally of kidney pain - which he attributes to covid. I have been asked not to confront him, for the sake of the status quo. We feel there is a very real chance of him escalating, 10 years ago I would never have believed he would be like this. Now he is a husk of the man I knew and I have no idea what he is capable of.
Does anyone have any advice on what we can do in this situation? Or maybe some words of encouragement.