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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

To keep up the long distance?

5 replies

Welshwonder92 · 10/09/2023 21:38

Hi everyone,

I need some opinions please. My partner and I have now been together a year and I am struggling with our set up.

We both have children with previous partners and he is the main caregiver for his. He works weekends and we have really limited time together, we have one day (school day) together in the week but I am struggling with the lack of weekends together. Literally only the evening we have.

He tells me I knew what I signed up to but at the beginning it worked as we hadn’t met each others children.

My hopes for a relationship were to spend weekends together, go away, go out with friends and we do none of that. We’ve had some discussions and he can book the occasional weekend off (but MUST work all school holidays and bank holidays) so we can’t even go away with the kids together in the future.

He is a really really lovely guy, but I feel destined to spend weekends and holidays alone as he is so tied. He’s also commented that his weekends (obviously) have to be balanced against extra time with his kids and for himself, so I don’t even feel like that’s the answer.

I feel bad for wanting to end it for this reason, but I was married for a long time to someone who prioritised himself over me and the children, and I hoped for a relationship for me this time.

He also lives an hour away from me which makes it really difficult so I can’t even easily have a midweek night with him. As he has limited support with the children, it is always me travelling if I do try and go up midweek. It’s starting to feel quite one sided.

Has anyone made this work? Have any ideas? Or am I right with how I’m feeling, and it’s better to stop it now as I feel it’s always going to be an issue?

OP posts:
Fidgety31 · 10/09/2023 21:54

An hour away is not long distance ! I commute more than that twice a day !
It sounds like you are therefore seeking a reason to end it .
I wouldn’t be with someone who couldn’t give me weekends either …. You might as well be single and find someone who is available rather than just being a permanent one night stand

ThisIsaNiceDress · 10/09/2023 22:03

I can’t offer much advice as I’m a kind of similar situation myself. Just wanted to say I hear you and it sucks x

Welshwonder92 · 10/09/2023 22:16

It’s so hard isn’t it!! At the beginning it felt ok, I enjoyed the freedom. But now I’d like him to spend time with me and the children, go on weekends away etc. there’s no sign of his job changing either so when my kiddies grow up I’ll have more time again alone. Sending you a big hug x

OP posts:
ThisIsaNiceDress · 10/09/2023 22:32

The problem I have is that not only do we have childcare commitments and jobs, which already result in tricky schedules, but also that he often chooses to do things other than seeing me despite the fact we get so little time together! We haven’t yet introduced the children, after 6 months. Mostly because of me but he is in bo rush either.., I’ve been obsessively thinking about whether this is a deal breaker lately 🤦🏼‍♀️ x

ChocolateSprinklesBreakfast · 11/09/2023 00:18

He is not making you happy
He is detracting, rather than enhancing your life

Find someone who meets your requirements

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