So many men just seem to be unable to think properly about their partner/wife. What's the answer? I have several friends with similar issues and read about men and hobbies on here a lot. Mine is that DH has a creative hobby that is actually outing as it's pretty niche, but a good analogy is photography. Imagine he's a creative photographer who works on medium term projects with various models to create unusual and artistic portfolios of work. So he has to spend time with the (usually younger and female, for what it's worth) model where they plan and carry out the shoots. But then when she goes home there is then lots of additional time arranging, planning and editing the photographs. It's very consuming and easy to get sucked in for hours. He does not earn money, it's a passion.
If he has a shoot 10am - 3pm on a weekend, I will take the kids (5 and 7) out and generally entertain them and put in what feels like an extra shift (I work but also do all school runs, pick ups and mental load as my work is more flexible). When the model leaves he can then easily spend a few more hours happily editing away. In his shoes I would think OK, he's been solo with the kids basically all day, I'll have to come back to this another time. DH does not appear to think this. He will happily, without a fuss or any kind of whining, stop if asked. If not asked he can just go on and on. And it drives me mad because I already feel like the boring mum who has to get rid of the kids so the glamorous creatives can work on their art. How hard would it be to just stop for my benefit without me asking and cementing my role as funkiller boring cow?
I feel like he can't quite hold me in mind enough to stop doing what he wants to do if that makes sense? But what's maddening is he genuinely feels bad and doesn't want to make me feel this way. Today he had a 'shoot' and I'd said look let's just communicate better so I said how I wanted things to look (an hour to myself when he first finished and then after that when he'd gone to edit after my break, for him to stop when dinner was ready and not go back up to 'quickly finish one bit' which always turns to hours and ends with me starting bedtime). This went fine and he did as I asked but now I feel even more infuriated which is so silly. But it's because I feel I shouldn't have to ask, it's so obvious that by 3pm I might have had enough on top of all the other stuff I do, plus I don't want to tell an adult what to do. It makes me feel controlling. And he hasn't at any point in all our discussions apologised and said shit, I didn't realise how selfish I've been. It's all how we've not communicated well enough and we can work this out and of course he doesn't want me to feel unappreciated but it doesn't feel like there's OWNERSHIP or recognition that maybe he has previously not handled things brilliantly. It's like a mysterious thing has befallen us due to our combined inaction and inattention.
Aaaargh