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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Losing hope for future

7 replies

Awfulfuture · 10/09/2023 20:23

Three of my best friends have got engaged this year. I’m beyond delighted for them.

Meanwhile I’m absolutely alone and lonely. Late 30s. Been on three disastrous dates lately and I screen to death on the apps. The men mostly are beyond hideous.

I’ve had many boyfriends over the years but they’ve all been shit. I can’t seem to meet a decent guy.

One of my friends is a stunningly beautiful woman, a gorgeous personality to match. Kind, funny, super smart. She never met a guy and has gone it alone with a baby. She’s very happy. In her 40s. I often think if she couldn’t meet someone, there’s no chance in hell for me.

Ideally I’d like to meet a man to start a family with but I have zero hope. I listen to advice from dating coaches and even spoke to one who said they have no doubt I will meet someone - they have even problematic clients who can find love, and after doing it for 20 years, they can assure me if I keep on dating, I will.

But in my heart of hearts, I just don’t believe it. Isn’t the definition of insanity doing something over and over again with zero success?

Not sure what the point of my post is. Feeling particularly blue this evening and looking for support/kind words.

OP posts:
Strawberriesandpears · 10/09/2023 20:36

Sorry to hear you are feeling low OP. It's definitely tough. I know you say you have had no success with the apps, but maybe don't give up on them. I met my boyfriend earlier this year on an app, and he is a lovely man who I see myself being with long term. I am mid 30s, so not much younger than you.

There are some diamonds out there and I hope you find one!

Jammylou · 10/09/2023 20:40

I'm not convinced online dating apps are the place to meet.
Can you join some clubs like a hobby or college course?
Do you go out with friends ?

Charlingspont · 10/09/2023 20:43

Change the dating apps/websites you're using. A friend of mine met her DH on a dating website specifically for 'active' people (they're both runners). Is there a more specific one you could try?

AperolWhore · 10/09/2023 20:44

I have a friend who sounds just like you, she’s fabulous, funny, pretty but has the worst luck with men. I’d stop the online dating and focus on you for a bit, put your efforts into seeing friends, doing hobbies and having fun. Forgot about men and see what happens.

I believe natural meetings rather than apps gives you a better connection x

Strawberriesandpears · 10/09/2023 20:52

Although I have just said I met my boyfriend on an app, I do think 'real life' may be better - especially connecting through a shared hobby.

It was actually a shared hobby which initially sparked the conversation between my boyfriend and I on the app.

Awfulfuture · 10/09/2023 21:47

Thanks for all your great suggestions.

I have hobbies - hiking, running etc. A great career. Lots of friends.

Ive started going to singles events but again just not meeting any guy who interests me and vice versa.

I can’t help but wonder if it’s me?

OP posts:
Strawberriesandpears · 10/09/2023 22:24

What kind of things are you looking for in a man OP? I know, probably just what we all are - decent, kind, honest etc. Do you get talking to them enough? And how is your own confidence? You sound great by the way - interesting and with plenty of hobbies and a wide social circle. This is a bit of a random suggestion, but if you like hiking etc, have you tried bouldering? When I was on the apps I noticed that was very popular with lots of men. Maybe you have a local bouldering centre you could try?

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