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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Have I done something wrong here?

1 reply

SiblingandSpouseNotTalking · 10/09/2023 18:27

A relative of my ExHs died. I met them a couple of times when ExH and I were together but they did meet my DC (I only have 1 child) with ExH once a year after we split.

They left an inheritance to me (and ExH). A letter with it says that they didn’t leave it to DC in trust because they know that DC would benefit from it now, so they left it to me.

I used the money to boost up my savings to get a mortgage and buy a house. Houses here are around £120k for a 2 bed, I had around 20% as a deposit.

My sibling has stopped speaking to me since I announced I'd bought a house along with their spouse saying that I am financially crippling myself and they cannot support me.

They do not know anything about my finances, they know I work and get CM from ExH but nothing beyond that they have no idea how much I work or earn.

They want to buy a house but there’s always something and my sibling refuses to work. They have no DC.

Sibling is unlikely to ever get an inheritance like this as all of our relatives who may leave to us have their own DC and GC, our own parents are both in very low paying jobs living in rented.

What have I actually done? I want to fix this. Up to this point no issues however I am younger than sibling by 2 years and a single parent but generally no issues. I never borrow money from anyone. I can more than afford this. I could of gone for a 3 bed as I was offered the mortgage for it, but I didn't want to stretch myself to far when its just me. This will provide stability to my DC and mean we're able to have the house exactly how we want/need it (DC is 9 and has a disability so now I can make changes to the house that DC needs without worrying about making it right)

OP posts:
Hiddenvoice · 10/09/2023 18:31

It sounds like your sibling is jealous. They are trying to play the worried card and think by saying this then you’ll feel guilty and back out of the purchase.

Id constant your sibling and explain politely and calmly that you’re confused about this fall out. It’s kind of them to say that they are concerned but you are not stretching yourself and have budgeted for this. You thank them for their concern but if the worst was to happen then as an adult you know that you would need to sell the house etc. Tell them you hope to speak soon and you’ll give them space.

I then wouldn’t chase it and let them just have time to work through whatever it is that’s bothering them.

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