Marriage Problems

[LiveLaughGoAway]

Hello everyone

Been together almost 10 years, married for around 18 months, approx

Our sex life has never been the best thing in our relationship but we've always clicked in other ways, however fast forward to now and we don't have a sex life

We've been together for such a long time that mentally and financially we feel ready to have a baby, my partner tells me he does want one but won't do the deed to make one?

This has come up several times as our sex life eventually fizzled altogether. Eventually my Husband went to the Dr's and may have low Testosterone (he's been referred) but he won't even try the Viagra tablets the GP has prescribed?

My Husband never talks about what's going on, I always have to initiate the conversation and as it often leads to more tears/anger/frustration we never seem to get any further into the problem being solved.

Anyone else had a similar issue?

I did wonder if their may be some element of asexuality - if so, has anyone else had experience with this?

Thank you for your advice

I think you have two issues here.

1- the low testosterone. Thats a medical problem. It can be treated and certainly can explain the fact he isn’t keen. It probably also exoka8ns why he doesn’t use Viagra. Viagra helps to get/keep an erection. If sexual desire is there in the first place, then it’s the perfect answer. With ,ow testosterone, he will have no libido so no sexual desire. Why trying to get hard when you don’t want sex in the first place iyswim.
Note this says NOTHING about you/your marriage and whether he finds you attractive.

2- his reaction to the problem. Aka not wanting to talk about it, getting angry etc…

Hi

Thank you for your response

I understand what you're saying about the testosterone, that makes sense - he had actually tried some earlier this year (over the counter) and we did try but it really didn't work - I think he felt quite embarrassed about it but I have tried my best to reassure him it doesn't bother me if it doesn't work, I was over the moon that he was at least trying something but he hasn't tried what the GP has given him yet

I totally agree with the reaction - it does upset me when the topic comes up and quite often I will become emotional if we talk about it but I don't just want to leave the conversation altogether...

What made you think of asexuality?
Has he said he doesn’t feel sexual attraction.
(Asexuality and libido are two different things).

It’s a though situation, cause you don’t want to force someone to have sex with you.
Is it important to you?
I’ve understood that to some people sex is like almost the inly reason why they even bother with relationships…
Or is more that you want it so you can actually get pregnant?

So, as time has gone on and we've had various conversations we tried using the BlueHeart app earlier this year to try and get things out in the open (BlueHeart = a relationship, therapy app)

The BlueHeart app turned the conversations to what turns you on, what do you like in the bedroom, etc. At the point these conversations came up, my Husband completely switched off from the app and we gave up on it (he told me he was finding it a bit "too much")

We've had conversations outside of using the app too, when I had tried to initiate sex previously I'd tried to dress up, etc and it never worked

I've also asked more directly what turns him on and he can't give me an answer at all...

For me, it's more about actually getting pregnant - we've discussed this too. I honestly believe if we had already had a child/children and we were much older, it genuinely wouldn't bother me so much x