DS1 (13) doesnt want to see his seriously ill father - Help

[wackyraces]

Advice needed on how to handle this situation please,long story. My DS1(13) whom I had when I was 20 to a ex-boyfriend & we split when DS was aged 1.Ex boyfriend has hardly seen DS through his own choice etc as DS has always gone to ex bf parents nearly every weekend so no excuse as he only lives 10 miles away he just couldnt be bothered. I have a very close relationship with ex bf parents & DS has always been close to grandad whom has been a father figure to him. But now ex bf has been diagnosed with cancer & is having chemo.And has now started asking after DS.So DS has now been getting pressure off grandparents to ring his dad. DS was very matter of fact last night when we where talking he said "Why should he be bothered about him, he hasnt bothered with me.What comes around goes around!" So how do we approach this subject to DS grandparents without upsetting them.

At the end of the day, whether he's sick or not, he hasn't been there for your DS. He's old enough now to make these decisions, and seeing someone who's seriously ill, who is his 'dad' - must be pretty confusing. He probably won't know whether to be angry or upset with him for never being around, or whether he should act like a son who could be losing his dad. Or he might feel due to the situation - he can't be either of those.

DS's grandparents should be able to understand that, it's alot for a young lad to take in and he can't be expected to forgive and forget because it has taken cancer to give his dad a kick up the arse.

Maybe sit down with DS and ask how he'd feel about building a relationship with his dad when/if he recovers?

We talked about that last night & his response is still the same. It is very sad as I know it must hurt my DS very much thinking that his father didnt want anything to do with him.