We've grown out of each other and it hurts like hell

[FloofyLugs]

Been together 23 years since our early teens, but now we're just too different and if I'm honest he's grown into the type of person that I'd avoid being friends with because he's just so negative about everything and has no real drive to improve things.

We have 2 kids and married 10 years, it bloody hurts but I know I can't live my life like this anymore. I made up my mind a few days ago and I've been on an emotional rollercoaster since. He knows that I'm miserable and he knows why, I just can't get the words out to tell him it's over. I keep doubting myself but I can't see that he'll ever change.

Please tell me it gets easier - I love him but not in love and not even sure I particularly like him half the time tbh. Really struggling with my emotions right now.

Unfortunately there is no easy way to do this. You just have to accept that it will be painful for him (if he doesn’t feel the same) and your children but if handled correctly and with kindness etc then it can be something that you can get through and come out of the other side. Good luck.

I'm in a similar position. I've felt like I need to separate/ divorce for a year now - I have a constant rollercoaster of emotions - confusion, grief, relief, depression, guilt, looking forward to the future.... its so exhausting.

I started a thread a couple of days ago as I'm worried if I will be able to afford to live separately but I am pretty sure I need to do it. Like you said, I do doubt myself though, we have been married such a long time.

I love my DH but not in love with him too. I have been looking into trauma bonds - he has been emotionally abusive over the years interspersed with being kind and caring so I think that has messed with my head and affected how confused I am feeling about everything now. Its so difficult. I think I will go to citizen's advice then get an appointment with a divorce lawyer, then will tell my DH as at least then I would be able to let him know there is a way forward practically.

As for the emotional side of things - I am dreading telling him and our two children.

Sending you solidarity, it's a really tough time.

So sorry you're going through this too, I told Dh this evening and both of us are broken, he's gone out for a bit to process and I've shed a lot of tears in between a sigh of relief I think. He seems completely blind sighted and doesn't agree about the state we're in but I just don't think there's a way to move forward together.

I can imagine that emotional abuse may well take its toll on your thoughts but I guess the only thing I can say is that if you hage been thinking about it for so long then it must hold some merit. I really hope you can come to peace with your decision and that solicitors will help give you the confidence to move on.

Either way though it's so bloody hard making that first move.