When me (25F) and my boyfriend (30M) got together, he’d been out of work for a while, and in and out of jobs before that. He had a really shit 5 years; death of close relative, his mums cancer diagnosis, the breakdown of his first relationship. I suspect he’s got major depression.
He blames his unemployment on his body, he has had an MRI and does indeed have lots of ruptured discs in his back. He does get disability allowance, but he pays absolutely 0 of the bills and sporadically will give me £100. I think this has happened 3 times throughout the year we have been together.
Although he gets disability allowance, I just don’t believe this is the reason he isn’t working. He complains of muscle tightness throughout his body, and obsessively researches trying to find out what he thinks is wrong with him despite the doctor telling him to do abdominal exercises to balance his disc problems. He also paid for a private physio treatment plan, yet doesn’t agree with the exercises she prescribed. He is convinced his hip has serious damage, despite periods of happiness between us with no complaints and saying “it’s better I’m going to find a job” then things between us go to shit and suddenly he’s broken beyond repair with no hope again. Multiple physios have told him there’s nothing wrong with his hip. He genuinely does not listen to anybody. I could help him with basics at least as I have studied posture, strength and conditioning etc at college, yet he never listens to anything I say and always has an excuse as to why it won’t work, without even trying it.
He has literally told me in the past that he can in fact work, but whenever I bring him getting a job up he will ramp up the bodily complaints, but I just don’t believe him. I can feel it in my gut due to his tone of voice, and what he does actually say about it.
So I have been supporting this grown man for one year. I’m a student with a part time job, and this summer the only income I’ve had is my wages. There have been times where we’ve had zero money, I dumped him recently because he spent £130 in two days then £40 he got from cleaning for his sister ‘disappeared’…, note he has gone to the bookies in the past and spent our remaining money hoping to get lucky. :)
I have told him if he doesn’t get a job in the next few weeks, we aren’t going to work. I have been discontinued from my uni course, at least partially because of his drinking and consistently inconsiderate behaviours, although it is not all his fault with my course. I need to pick sorting my life out and a bright future, or him.