Am I being gaslit?

[KTAX]

Hi all,

Just wondering if I'm over reacting on a situation or wether I'm being gaslit.

Me and my partner have been going through a pretty difficult time the past few months, we've remained together but things have been very strained meaning there has been absolutely no sex life.

Things have got better over the past 3 weeks so this morning we had sex. He didn't finish. I didn't say anything although I was slightly disappointed as I didn't feel he was satisfied since it's been so long.

He's now said, he believes I'm cheating on him as I didn't "struggle" to take it and it seemed so effortless considering it's been so long.

I am SO upset and insulted, we've got 2 children and been together 5 years. He's telling me I'm over reacting and he's well within his rights to assume this and pull me up on it.

What are your opinions?

He's gross. Often when men say this shit they are holding a mirror up and saying it to themselves.

What a disgraceful thing to say.

He’s an idiot. Either he’s being deliberately provocative or he’s so stupid that he thinks a woman returns to virgin status after a few months.

Honestly it really sounds horrid, I’m sorry. Would he be open to any calm conversation or would it descend into more accusations?

It's a deeply unpleasant remark and I would suggest you should consider whether you want to remain with him.

However, it's not gaslighting.

I don't think that's gaslighting. Projection, maybe? And an unpleasant misogynistic view of women and you.

What a horrible experience for you OP

Not gaslit, but he’s projecting his nasty internal monologue onto you. You have every right to be disgusted and very angry.

He’s basically saying he expected to hurt you during sex is angry he didn’t. He’s vile. Please end it.

Say you actually thought it was because his dick is smaller...

He's disgusting. And if he genuinely believes what he's saying, he's also a bit thick.

Did he think you'd become a virgin again???

I suspect he knows full well you've done nothing wrong. It could be he's embarassed not to have finished and is looking around for reasons to blame you / to distract himself and you from the fact. Maybe he's angry with himself for it, and prefers to be angry at you. Whichever it is, he's being vile.

And ultimately he's telling you he doesn't trust you.

I think he is feeling inadequate about the not finishing and so turned it round on you. Either way, it’s sounds like your relationship is over.

Get an STI test just to be on the safe side.

He's deflecting his own insecurities onto you, likely because he couldn't finish for whatever reason. That just happens sometimes, I've had times I can't finish and it just is what it is...

That's a fucked up thing to say and he clearly has no idea what he's talking about. Sorry, OP.

I think this might mean he's been cheating or thinking about it himself if that's on the brain. Even if that were biologically correct which it's not you could have Been using a vibratory. That he went straight to that accusation is worrying. I'd be thinking carefully about whether to stay in a relationship like this

That's disgusting. Also he doesn't understand human bodies. I get confused about what gaslighting means, but he's certainly beig gross and I wouldn't be keen to have sex with him if that's what he was thinking about during it.

Rank

By gaslighting I think op means the part where he is telling her it's normal for a man to assume a woman is cheating in this situation. Which is like saying 'blue is green so you're not allowed to have a problem with me saying blue is green'. Yeah it is gaslighting.

Though more importantly, he's just fucking horrible.

He didn't like it that (in his mind) he was the only one feeling bad about how things went. So he had to knock you down a peg or two. To make you look inwards and start trying to defend yourself instead of focusing on his failures.

He wants you stuck on that prove yourself merry go round.

Fuck that op.

Get away from him. He's a fully grown adult yet he has no emotional empathy. No kindness. No care for you. No love. Only spite and contempt.

Life is too short!
Don't let your kids grow up seeing you tolerate a nasty man child for a husband. They deserve a happy mother. And a role model who leaves toxic relationships. Or they'll grow up and stay stuck in them too.

It's a horrible thing to say. Not gaslighting, but absolutely unconscionable. It also reveals a deep dislike of women, you included.

It's not strictly speaking gaslighting as it is not making you doubt your own realisty - gaslighting would have been you saying 'oh, that hurt me because it's been so long since we had sex' and him saying, 'no it didn't hurt, and that's because you've been shagging around.'

But it doesn't need to be gaslighting to be a problem.

And he probably has death grip which is why he couldn't come. So this was also designed to deflect blame onto you.

He sounds vile, and I guarantee he won't co-operate with couples counselling. Bin him off.

It IS gaslighting though as he's telling her it's normal for people to think this way. We all know it's not normal for men to accuse women of cheating for his perceived reasons.

He is trying to get op to doubt her own perception of reality. To feel as though she has no right to call him up on his awful accusations.

Hense it absolutely does fall under gaslighting. It's a textbook example of it
Even if she knows he is talking shit.

It's like kicking a dog becaise it barks and telling op she is wrong to be mad at him for it because EVERY man would kick a dog when it barks.

And it had an effect as she's asked opinions on it, seeding doubt.

What a disgusting piece of scum you live with.

Your poor children.

You and they deserve better.

What a despicable individual.

I'd ask how the sex is but as he is this poorly informed about women's anatomy, I have my answer!