Crazy ex is back with a vengeance!

[SpringleDingle]

My ex and I split up last November after a turbulent 3 year relationship. It was my first relationship following my divorce (amicable split). I really didn’t have my boundaries straight or I’d have known better. He was avoidant which made me clingy and that horrible push/pull thing made us both pretty miserable. The sex dried up 6 months in (on his end) and despite my bringing it up many times it didn’t improve. The last 6 months I was pretty checked out and when he stood me up (again) and then told me that my objecting to being stood up gave him the ick I finally ended it.

What followed was nuts. This nice enough guy I’d been dating for 3 years vanished and a crazy man appeared. He just seemed to ignore that we’d split up and would text me “hi, how’s it going?” Texts all the time. I asked him not and he seemed non-pleased. He professed to not understanding why we’d broken up or not accepting that we’d broken up. I explained nicely, less nicely, brutally. Then the rapey sounding texts started “you just need me to hold you down and fuck you hard” so I blocked him. Then he moved to messenger so I blocked him there. Always with the “I don’t understand”. I started to see his van in the village (it’s not the sort of place you’d be without a reason, we are pretty rural). I was worried he’d show up at my door. Then the wattsapps started to arrange to “return my stuff”. The stuff never turned up and eventually they got nasty so I blocked those too.

It’s September now and my stuff never got returned and I haven’t heard from him since January. I’m seeing someone new (who definitely isn’t dressed head to toe in red flags). Suddenly the ex has started again. This time by email. It was a happy birthday, let me return your stuff message. I replied saying no need and telling him that I want more contact and had moved on with someone new (I genuinely thought this would head it off at the pass). All was quiet for a couple of days then there was an “I’m so sad, I don’t know what happened to us” email which I ignored. Then yesterday an “I passed your car at the local dog walk spot and I wanted to come speak to you but didn’t think it would be fair on your new chap, I’m so sad.” He would have had to go out of his way (and pass my house) at a time he would know I didn’t have DD to see my car.

Now I’m proper freaked out again. I’ve worked out how to block emails (need a pc and I couldn’t do it on the phone). Anyone got any experience with non- molestation orders? He hasn’t DONE anything - he is just giving me the creeps! I assume you guys don’t think I should speak to him but do you think I should go as far as court to try and stop this?

You need to contact the police. This guy has made rape threats, is physically stalking you and harassing you via technology. The letting you know that he'd spotted you walking alone and could have come after you is a veiled threat and designed to frighten you.

Not to be alarmist but you and your daughter are both unsafe. This isn't some kind of relationship drama. You are now being targeted with criminal behaviour and you need to act to ensure your child's safety.

I would block him on email.

I agree with @BalletBob. His behaviour is persistent, threatening & it's still escalating. I hope the Police are helpful.

Send him a final message saying that this is harassment and stalking and you want no further direct or indirect contact and if he messages you again or follows you or finds excuses to come to your village you will go to the police under the protection from harassment act.

It's important for taking further action that you have been absolutely crystal clear. It just makes it easier for the police to step in otherwise the fuckers have a habit of fobbing you off.

I have blocked the emails now I’ve worked out how.

It’s just so odd, he wasn’t abusive during our relationship. He professed to hating the drama we seemed to end up in as much as me. it’s like Dr Jeckyl and Mr Hyde…

He took a six month gap and now came back to stalk you? Assuming he actually took a break.

You sound completely detached from what he's done/is doing. I suspect it's because if you focus on blocking him, you feel like you're in control. That's advantageous, because if you allowed yourself to feel the threat he quite possibly is, and is displaying the hallmarks of being, it would be horrible.

You need to speak to the police. My advice would be to tell them what you've written in your OP. If you have any screenshots that'd be great, but not essential. Then see if the police think there's no issue.

Being with a nice new guy is no protection btw. Glad he's nice, but in relation to your ex, it makes, at best, no difference. You thought telling him would make him back off, because a decent guy would. But if this guy was a normal, decent guy, he'd not be stalking you and sending rape threats. He doesn't work by normal logic. Which is why you need to speak to the police.

He’s escalating. He’s stalking you.

A good time to have reported him was at the rape threats. The next best time would be now. You need the police to intervene.

Sorry but you are in more danger (statistically) than you realise.

Contact the police. This is harassment and he might have a record for doing this and worse to ex partners. You need to get this logged before/incase he escalates.

Thanks all. I’ve contacted a close relative who is a police officer and she is helping me to proceed. I still find it hard to believe a person who seemed pretty rational before is behaving in such a threatening way but you have confirmed my thoughts that this is very uncomfortable and needs addressing.

They always seem normal until they are not! Log everything with the police. Even small things can lead to something. Log everything.