DH and I never go out together because we don’t have any family childcare nor anyone else who is trustworthy. He’s out at work 12 hours a day and when he comes home he just wants to watch tv - and not even stuff that I want to watch too. At weekends he finds DIY jobs to do. He did our kitchen, then the bathroom, then the patio, then his mum’s kitchen, then his sister’s bathroom, then adapted my dad’s bathroom into a wet room, then did our living room and en suite, it never ends. Then he washes the cars and does the garden. All of these things are absolutely essential and I’m selfish if I ask him to spend time with me instead of doing them. He shouts at me and says he has to get this stuff done and he doesn’t have time to waste with me. Then he goes to his orchestra practice.
He doesn’t take his holidays because he says he’s too busy at work and there’s too much to do. He gets paid for giving up his holidays. If he does take time off work it’s to do his mum’s kitchen or something, not to spend time with me. He refuses to do any drop offs or pick ups for DC, or any sick days, because he has to put in stupid hours at work. He can’t possibly take a step back from his career to give me an equal chance to work too. He calls me selfish if I suggest it, and says I’m trying to ruin his career, and stamps his foot and says he won’t reduce his hours and that’s the end of it.
I said let’s do a podcast together, it’ll be fun? He said no, his employer would class it as a conflict of interest because he has a media related role, and he’ll get in trouble. He won’t even post on Instagram in case he gets in trouble. I said let’s write a little magazine, do some paintings and sell posters, a fun creative project together? He said no, his contract says his employer owns all of his creative output so they would own anything he starts independently, and he’d get in trouble. I said let’s write a song and record it? He said no, he doesn’t have time and anyway his employer would own any song we wrote. I said quit your job and we’ll start a business like we always planned? He said no, he would have FOMO if he left his job where he’s become quite senior. On bad days he’ll accuse me of trying to take away his career if I bring this up. He’ll say I’m jealous of his job and I’m trying to make him quit it.
I’m increasingly frustrated. He won’t do anything with me. He literally goes to work and gives them everything, then comes home and either watches tv or does DIY. He won’t do any of the stuff we used to do together in case he gets told off at work.
I married him because we used to create together, but he won’t any more. I feel like I’ve lost my collaborator, and frankly if we aren’t creating together any more then what use is he to me? He’s just a boring blob that creates more laundry. I’m angry that he’s just ditched me and all of our plans. He even said “start a business on your own”. What he fails to realise is that if I start a business on my own there’s no reason for me to stay with him any more.