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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Husband on drugs

4 replies

behindblueyes92 · 09/09/2023 20:21

Last year my husband started using a certain drug and his addiction has just progressively gotten worse. He has also turned the front and back yards of our home into a hoarder mess. Every time I tried to talk to him about it he would deny and lie. Sometimes he would just get in the car and leave. I brought up my concerns to his mother and it turns out that his whole family saw the change in him too.. For father's day this year we went on a trip with his family and he did not have this drug so he went through withdrawals. We ended up having to take him to a clinic which was expensive and honestly traumatic. When the trip was over I talked to him about going to rehab and he refused. He said he wanted to try and get clean on his own which I knew was not likely to happen.

I've known my husband since I was 16 and he knew I grew up in a hoarders home with two drug addicted parents. This whole situation is becoming unbearable for me. I told my husband at the beginning of our relationship that I could not be with him if there was drug use. Since he refused rehab and has made no progress on getting clean I told him I couldn't stay with him any longer. Now that I'm done he is planning to go to rehab and keeps saying that he would only go if I agree to stay. He also tells me I'm a bad person for wanting to give up on him and leave him at his lowest. I understand this is manipulation and I've made my mind up. I just can't help but feel like maybe I am being a bad person. There is more to this story but this is all I can write for now. Thank you.

OP posts:
Foggyfoggyfoggy · 09/09/2023 20:23

Yabu to accept being married to a druggie op. You deserve more. Don't you? Do not allow yourself to be emotionally blackmailed..

Mortimermay · 09/09/2023 20:28

As you said, it's classic manipulation. If he really wanted to go to rehab and make that change he would be doing it regardless of whether you were with him or not. That in itself is a huge red flag. You are not responsible for his behaviour or choices and he should not be expecting you to do x,y,z before he will do x,y,z

Justmuddlingalong · 09/09/2023 20:28

As a newly single man his wellbeing is not your responsibility.

Tryingtobepositive123 · 10/09/2023 18:09

If he sees rehab like that (a threat to get what he wants) makes me doubt how effective it would be even if he went.

It takes a huge amount of soul searching to change. He's not willing to do that. He's made his mind up.

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