So, my DH read my diary.

[chel86]

on Saturday. I was out on a course for the morning and while he was having a clear out he found and read my diary. I had a text from him half way through my course to say "I've found your diary".

I'd only been writing in it for about 6 months and there were probably no more than 10 entries. It just got to the point that I was getting so down and upset and angry with my DH drinking and his behaviour towards me when he was drunk that I had to write my feelings down to get them off my chest. My way of dealing with it and I thought it was a healthy way to deal with it. Things written in there were very harsh towards DH, but very honest and true and were never meant to be read.

So he says he's sad more than anything. He didn't say hardly a word to me all weekend and text me instead of talking to me. We're half way through buying our first house and he says he isn't sure he wants to buy it anymore. That, in my eyes, means he isn't sure about our future together, and I tell him so. He tells me that he's sure I would walk out with the kids any time I like, because I make references to the only 2 options I have to dealing with his drinking is to carry on as we are or to leave. But I also saidthat leaving wasn't really an option because I love him too much.

I told me and the kids now that he will not be drinking in the house. And things have calmed down. He's sorry for making me feel like I have done. I told him I will not apologise or feel guilty about the things I wrote, because they were my feelings at the end of the day.

So is this a fresh start? Is he going to keep true to his word and stop his insane drinking?? I hope so. Anyone else had any experiences like this??

So sorry that he read your diary, it sounds like you really needed to have some private space to write your thought, and he has violated that. I remember an old boyfriend of mine found my diary and used it against me, so I don't write diaries any more
Anyway, just maybe in this case it might be a good thing, if it motivates him to get his drinking sorted out.
If he has a major problem with drink, he is unlikely to do it purely on his own. If he is serious about it, maybe he should go and get some support from a professional?
Good luck anyway, hope it works out for you

I think it is healthy that he knows how his drinking and behaviour made you feel towrads him. You were kind enough to write those feelings in private rather than vent them upon him when he was drinking heavily. He chose to read your private thoughts and now he must deal with the consequences of that.

I hope that it has sufficiently motivated him to change for all of your sakes

Maybe this is the wake-up call he needs. But you must also think about you, your children, your feelings and reactions. I would suggest you try to contact your nearest Al-Anon group for your own sanity regardless of whether he sorts his drinking out or not. You cannot change that.

blessing in disguise maybe?

So not only is he a hopeless pisshead, but he has no respect for your right to privacy either? Why on earth do you want to keep him?

That is why you should never keep a diary. I kept one religiously from the age of 9 but over the years they have fallen into the wrong hands and caused no amount of trouble. It wasn't that the contents were bad, but when you let of steam you are angry and write things that you would never say. I have stopped writing things down now because it's not worth it.

I think it goes without saying that I won't be keeping a diary anymore!! But, hopefully, if this is a blessing in disguise then I won't need to vent my anger down on paper anymore.

I keep a private online blog that nobody knows the password to, except me. That's my diary. I am always ultra careful to log out and even clear my online history regularly. writing stuff down keeps me sane and helps me sort everything out in my head, but I could never risk having a paper copy!

WEll, if he also sees only two options - that you carry on as now, with him drinking, or leave, then no, don't buy the house.

If this really does make him see the importance of the third option - he stops his drinking and bad behaviour, then that's good.

Stick to your guns and don't let him make you feel guilty for what you wrote.

Don't buy a house with him. He drinks, he violates your privacy by reading your diary and then whines at you that it's all your fault? Let me guess: he's driving all your friends away, says he wouldn;t drink so much if you would put out more/dress differently/never leave his side.. He's a dick and he's not going to get any better. He is probably going to get worse.

This reminds me of an exboyfriend of mine. He was soo upset if he hurt me, that I ended up comforting him...

Stand firm, and dont play down what you have said. Refuse to comfort him, if anything, HE should be reassuring you.

But yes, he is a twit for drinking, a twit for reading your diary...