Hey everyone so just a bit of back story
me and my ex have known each other 14 years and have been together 3 and we have a 1 year old daughter. Long post ahead.
when I was pregnant with DD I suffered with HG. At the beginning he was quite awful to me saying the sickness was my own fault from not eating properly, told me to quit my job because I hadn’t gotten out of bed for two weeks because of how much I was throwing up told me to have an abortion at one point because it was clear I didn’t want the baby. I was admitted to hospital because of dehydration and stayed in overnight. When we got home he started yelling at me because he had lost his phone and it was my fault for not taking care of myself. Fast forward to my birth, it was very traumatic during my birth he scolded me for “not listening to him” during active labour and when I asked him to rub my back he said “so you want my help now but couldn’t listen to me earlier” however he was fine for the rest of the labour and delivery. when we got home I told him I wanted no visitors for a week as I wanted to come to terms with what had happened during the birth and I wanted to enjoy my baby. (I was previously told I was infertile)
I wanted to try breastfeeding however latching on was a challenge. Little did we know she had a tongue tie which was not diagnosed until later on. On the day following me coming home my ex told me he was taking the baby out all day to go and see his family. I said to him that he couldn’t take the baby without me and I wasn’t ready to go out and see people. He started yelling at me saying “I’m her f father and your making out like I’m not to be trusted” I burst into tears and was sobbing telling him it wasn’t like that but he couldn’t just take her away from me at two days old.
we had things like this on and off through the first year of our DD life. Snapping at me for things when I really was trying my best. I was diagnosed with PTSD and PND about two weeks into DD life. Instead of being supportive he said to me often “your clearly struggling with that baby”
fast forward to last week;
DD is currently cosleeping with us as we are saving up to move her into a floor bed. I fell asleep with her in the bed and around 4am I heard her crying. As I rolled over I couldn’t feel her in the bed. Half asleep I started frantically looking for her thinking she was suffocating. As I look over she was sat in her cot very upset. (Cot is too small for her) the next day I went to speak to ex about it to which he yelled at me again “I am her father I’m entitled to make parental decisions without your consent” he wouldn’t listen to anything I said and he stormed out 5hrs before he needed too for work. He didn’t come home for three days. No messages no nothing. Three whole days of just nothing. I confronted him and he said he wasn’t planning on coming home as I was acting crazy. I packed all of his clothes and I messaged him telling him it’s over. We argued and his reasons for not coming home were
-he feels like beating me when I get frustrated with the baby (I have done all the feeds and nights for the whole year)
-he has no bond with baby because I didn’t want visitors for a week
-we don’t go on dates anymore because I won’t let his family babysit
-we haven’t had sex in a while
I also want to add that since dd has been born he made me stop feeding her in the bedroom and told me I had to take her into the livingroom to feed her as her crying was keeping him awake. I have done every night feed every bedtime i have her from the minute she is awake until the minute she goes to bed and then through the night. One night I was awake with her from 8pm until 11am the following morning. I had fell asleep sitting up on the sofa while the baby was in her Moses basket and his reply was “maybe you should go to bed you look tired”
ontop of all this I also do all of the housework cooking and dishes.
when I spoke to my friends about it they said that because he goes to work I should be doing everything and I have been dramatic to pack his things and tell him to leave.
Am I being dramatic or have I done the right thing??