Hi everyone. I will try and keep this as short as possible.
Me and my partner have had on-going and exhausting arguments over this subject and we don't seem to be getting anywhere near a resolution. We're both as stubborn as each other but I am very close to backing down because we can't go on like this, but i don't want to and I'm worried that if I do I will feel resentful.
We have two children aged 9 and 2.5. I work in the office of a bar and restaurant. It's a small office and I only work here for 8 hours per week. I earn very little (less than £100 per week) I am reluctant to work more through the week because of childcare costs for our little one, so until he turns 3 and we're entitled to childcare allowance I feel as though it's sensible to stick to this routine. My partner is out of the house working from 7.30 am - 6.30 pm, Monday - Friday and rarely takes a holiday but we do get weekends together. So obviously I do every school run, childminder drop off, take time off work for illness and generally take full responsibility for the children through the week so that he can work with no interruptions or stress. I am fine with this as he is the sole provider and when he is home he is an excellent father and supports me and our family in every way possible. Including cooking many meals and helping with bath/bed times.
About a year ago I started working on Friday nights in the bar (where I already work). This worked well financially because my partner would be home therefore no childcare cost. I very much enjoy this shift, it gives me job satisfaction that the office does not, it's sociable, I feel I can be 'me' as I get very little time to myself away from being a mum and I'm good at it.
My partner is not happy with me doing this. He has been asking me to give it up for the last 6 months. Back when he first asked me to stop I explained how I didn't want to and this job was important to me, he didn't really care and in the end I compromised and went down to two shifts per month rather than every week. (Friday nights 6 pm - midnight)
He has continued to have an issue with this throughout and it has caused endless arguments and problems within our relationship.
His reasons for wanting me to stop are this (his words)
He works hard throughout the week and to have to do the kids on his own isn't fair (twice per month...) and he finds it exhausting. It interrupts our weekends and I've spent the last 1/4 of the year working. Also our eldest son goes to football training on a Friday night which adds to the responsibility.
I disagree with this because we have every other night together, I don't consider Friday night as a huge part of the weekend, there's two other Friday nights in the month where I'm free so we can organise to do things then (not that he ever does organise anything for us to do)
I just feel as though he is jealous of me being in this environment, I think the reasons that he gives are just excuses, I know full well he can handle the kids on his own. He's an excellent Dad.
He is never controlling but he does show signs of feeling very insecure and jealous, even though we have a good relationship and I have been nothing but loyal in the whole 10 years that we've been together.
I just don't know where to go from here, how to help him come to terms with it if I carry on or should I just stop? Plenty of families with two working parents have to do shift/evening/weekend work. I sometimes think what if i was going cleaning or caring would he still feel this uncomfortable?
I can't help but feel that my needs and enjoyment is being overlooked and hes being selfish.
Any opinions/resolutions welcome.