How to make the pain go away

[Tinyminx]

I have been with my husband 10 years, happily married as I thought. We met later in life and it has been a wonderful relationship. We have had some challenges but always got through.

A couple of weeks ago he seemed down. He goes through this from time to time, self esteem issues that I have begged him to deal with. I rang him at work and said I was worried about him and we should have a chat...he said I'll come home right away. What? Was it that bad?

It was. He didn't love me anymore. Full stop. He'd been feeling like this for a while. Packed his bag, he's now living at his mum's.

I am beyond devastated. I didn't see it coming, we continued to talk, laugh, joke, do stuff together, have sex. Plan holidays. There is no-one else. He says he's coming up to 50 and has to be true to himself. He can't even explain what that means. We have had a number of chats. He is so cold towards me.

I cannot stop crying. I can barely breathe with the pain in my chest. I can't talk about it without sobbing. I am strong and capable so I can do all this alone, its the unreciprocated love that is killing me.

He left 15 days ago. The pain is stronger than it was when he left. I can't bear it. When does it ease? What can I do?

I'm 55. I don't want to grow old alone. I don't understand what happened.

Time. That will stop this pain. I promise that you will not feel this way in a year.

Take one day at a time - such a cliche but absolutely true. I found it helpful to write down the habits and traits you didn't like about him, and when you feel bereft read the list again.

Even if you can't think of anything annoying about him this grief won't last. It never does. Even the pain of losing a child changes to a bearable loss in time.

Cry as much as you need to. Eat little but often. DONT DRINK TOO MUCH. Try and do something that will give you pleasure, even just a walk in a wood.

Time. That will stop this pain. I promise that you will not feel this way in a year.

That is so true. I never thought I would recover when my (first) husband left me. These days he barely enters my head.

practice relaxation and meditation techniques to ground you when it’s all too much

Force yourself to look outside yourself when you are overwhelmed by the feelings. To look at something like light on a leaf. The feeling of something in your hands. Anything.

Really it is time. You need some techniques to help you through as time slowly works.

Its awful. I had a feeling of constant terrror for weeks when my relationship suddenly ended.

He’s also not the lovely man you thought he was when he’s behaved so appallingly. That’s hard to deal with now but helps in the end.