Anxiety before online date

[worriedated]

Hello all, I need some help. I have started online dating again.

I am meeting a guy tomorrow which I am so nervous about, I have nearly cancelled. I feel so ugly, fat and frumpy. I'm out of shape, as I've stopped working out, and I'm still a size 10-12, but as I am very short, the weight doesn't look good on me. I am not toned how I used to be. I have a very attractive face though.

The reason I am focussing so much on looks is because this is typically what guys (and women) notice first. I don't have time to go and buy a nice dress. Also, he is the best option I've been messaging with for some time.

The first guy I dated a few weeks ago, there was no chemistry - I fancied him physically, but not personality wise, and I don't think he liked me in that way either. Second guy was bonkers and when he knew it wasn't going anywhere, he told me I was unattractive to be spiteful (he was very rude about it).

I am not feeling good in myself, and if this date doesn't go well, I will take a break, work out, and feel better and more confident before I date again.

I quite like the potential of this guy tomorrow, but I will be crushed if he doesn't like me. And why would he? We're both 39, although I am always mistaken for being 10 years younger. He could be dating younger and slimmer.

I also wonder why he's still single - guys have a greater choice of amazing women.

On the plus side, we have lots of similar interests so let's see.

Just nervous, anxious and feel shit about myself.

Well youve said yourself you're a size 10 and have a very attractive face, that doesn't sound like something to be worried about op. I doubt he's fretting over his appearance so try and just relax and see how it goes, don't put pressure on yourself.

To be honest I'd think about not going and to start doing things to make you feel better about yourself. With the way you are feeling you seem to be leaving yourself open to those who would coerce and take advantage of you.

If you're keen, maybe give this one a whirl, but don't do any more until you've sorted yourself out. From your description it's clear this is all in your head.
Your self esteem is clearly dependent on what other men think of you, which is a very precarious position to be in, that's why the other man's words have stuck with you. You have got in a rut of negative thinking. Definitely not a time to be doing OLD, which requires a thick skin.

Try not to get stuck in your own thoughts about your appearance and other people's. Not all men think the same, I certainly don't and although yes looks are a factor, what is generally considered attractive isn't always the case.

A good personality and face come before most things for me anyway and I wouldn't care if not got perfect body, nobody has a perfect body unless you are lucky. To me, everyone is unique in their own way and that's what I find attractive.

Don't listen to the other guys spite, come ten years he'll still be the same, an arsehole.

Be yourself and be happy with who you are and they can't accept that, they are not worth it.

Don't overthink this OP, it's only a coffee and a chat at this stage. Best to go with no expectations and then if you click its a bonus. Take the pressure of yourself, and stop worrying, you will be fine!

Don't take it so seriously. You're just meeting a stranger for a chat that's all and it doesn't matter if it goes well or doesn't. I used to meet people for a coffee, just so it was time limited. If it went well we had another coffee but if not it was easy to leave. I never called them dates because I didn't think they were, dates come later when you've decided you like each other.
You're also focusing too much on looks. He already thinks you're attractive if he's agreed to meet you. Good luck, let us know how it goes.