How to have better sex

[juliajmsn]

I am 29, DH is 34. Been together for 5 years. I think we've got a great relationship, we're very close, barely argue, have supported each other through tough times, we have a great time together and we are quite affectionate in that we give random hugs and kisses throughout the day a lot.

But! I feel like sex isn't massively enjoyable for him and I'd like to know how I can make it better for him (please don't start telling me to make it enjoyable for me, the question is specifically about him, I have a very low sex drive).

We currently have sex 3-4 times per week because we are TTC for the last 5 months. Before TTC we were having sex maybe once per week. He finishes every time we do it and gets an erection quite easily when I start touching him down there. I just have a sense he's not enjoying it as much as he could be, it's hard to describe why. I also remember when we first got together sometimes he would come so quickly and barely lasted, so wondering if he's become less attracted to me in that time. Now he can last for a while. How can I make it more enjoyable? He's quite awkward around the topic of sex and easily embarrassed so questions to him like 'are you enjoying this, how can I make this better for you?' won't give me much answers and he'll just awkwardly say 'it's great'

Oh god, i know this thread is a bit old but this is giving me a flashback to my boyfriend (now husband) telling me to "go easy on the balls" I was mortified and thought oh shit I went a bit balls mad with my exes too but non of them told me so I was probably just a shit shag without knowing it for a while 😩😩

@fuckssaaaaake No don't think that, many men definitely love ball play.

😂

I'd pitch it as
'Hey, so I know this is kind of awkward to talk about, but I really liked you giving me some guidance the other day during sex, and I was kinda hoping we could do that more?'
If he's like 'it's fine' you might need to ask some very direct questions, like do you prefer x or y?
Or talk about yourself 'like, I really love it when you do X'

Communication is SEXY, but sometimes it best done as a 'cards on the table, I want to talk about it more' conversation while on neutral ground first, away from the actual sex. If he says 'yes, we will talk more' then you can leave it there and maybe ask 'does this feel good?' Once during the next time you have sex. Ease into it, sort of thing.

Well yes you say he's not one for discussion around it but actually he has told you " focus on the penis" and yes, you are probably wrong in your assumption that men like ball play - some do, some don't, some really do and some really don't, overall I'd say most would be more p than b, so he's in the norm category.
If you gauge how much he enjoys it, by how quick he comes and he was rapid to start and less so now, you are not only wrong, but not relaxing into it and enjoying getting longer. Geez, be glad he's not so quick and beyond that, don't overthink it. It says more about how you view sex if you prefer him to return to the quick days. Is sex just about an ego massage for you? Do you just like being desired rather than the actual fun of the act? I think you may have an unhealthy attitude to sex if it's not about your pleasure and only about his desire for you.