Does this friend want more than friendship?

[BlueGin]

Hi,

So I have a friend (fairly new - about 2 years) who I met through a shared hobby.

We stopped meeting for the hobby for various reasons, I won't bore you with now, but we carried on just meeting socially for lunch or evening drinks etc.

She's gay and in a 7 year relationship and I'm in a fairly new relationship with a woman, although I don't identify as gay. I don't really identify as anything - much to the annoyance of my teenage dd's who want to bang a label on everything! 😂

Anyway, recently I've noticed she has started to act differently around me. Asks strange questions, gives more, almost too much eye contact and the other night basically told me I was just her type. Plus she's started to ask to meet pretty much every week. I don't see any of my friends that often, for a proper get together anyway. Dp joked that she must miss me and it hit me. I added it all up and thought, maybe she does.

This might sound like pretty obvious signals, but it doesn't really feel like flirting when we're together. It's really hard to explain. She's quite candid and open with me and will share things which I don't think you'd share with someone you fancied - TMI stuff. Does that make sense? It could just be her personality, but I don't know. I would think not talking about that kind of thing with someone you fancied was fairly standard.

Am I reading too much into this? I don't want to lose her, but I think I might need to pull back a bit.

Any thoughts? Would very much appreciate some advice.

Thanks

Any thoughts at all ?.... 😂

The meaningful eye contact, frequent meet ups and saying that you're her type sound like she like likes you.

@cathyandclare yeah written down, it does look like that, but the other stuff does make me think otherwise. I don't feel like she's flirting, but I do feel like she's giving off some intensity. If that makes any sense 😐

it seems the beginnings of an affair. and or the blossoming of a close friendship too

@Hawkins0009 it takes two to tango and all that.

very true, all the best

Do you feel like a line is being crossed, did it feel uncomfortable , eg when she's telling you that you are her type? Where did that conversation go? How is her relationship, is she monogamous , also how does your DP sound when she's " joking" that the friend must miss you?
I feel there is trouble ahead OP.

That level of intensity from a friend would make me very uncomfortable and I would be backing off rapidly. How does your partner feel about it?

@Hawkins0009 are you suggesting that an affair is inevitable? Regardless of how I feel. If she does like me like that, does that mean it's a done deal?

I’d pull back for a few months and see how she behaves. She clearly doesn’t respect her own relationship, let alone yours.

@MsAlice I'm really not sure. Not crossed necessarily, just different, like a shift. Her relationship seems fine, although she doesn't talk about her that much. I have no idea if she's monogamous. I always assumed, but perhaps not. I don't think my dp is that bothered tbh.

its only an affair if you let it go that far and if it is what you would consider and if its its confirmed that it is your friends intentions.

then based on those factors it may be a high %

You say you feel a shift. I think she is interested in you. If you don't want to entertain this then perhaps you can reduce how often you meet or even have a chat with her.

@Hawkins0009 but I've not given any indication that it is something I would consider, so I was/am confused by your "all the best" comment.

the all the best was ment as what ever you decide on your best course, is all the best for what you choose to follow and do that suites your perspectives.

@Hawkins0009 OK. Thanks.

@Olika but what would I say? I'd be so embarrassed.

@BlueGin don't feel embarrassed. personally next time I would meet her face to face I would say: hey just to check something... I have noticed some changes in the way you interact with me. I just want to make sure you know that I see you as a friend.

I don't think there's anything wrong in having such convo as you don't want to have to deal with drama down the line when she keeps thinking she has a chance if she just waits and keeps spending time together.

There is no need to have some over-dramatic ''let's just be friend'' conversation as she had not explicitly done or said anything to indicate that she wants a relationship/wants more from you and you might end up looking very silly if you just assume she is interested in you...

If she makes you uncomfortable you need to put some distance between you and she will get the message.

Don't give mixed signals, stop meeting so regularly and just state that you want to spend more time with your partner and are quite busy generally so won't be able to see her for a while.

That should make her understand that you are not into her that way.

It sounds like she maybe has a bit of a crush. Can happen to anybody. I'd first make very sure to shoot down any flirting or 'you're just my type' talk. Reply with something like 'ahh girlfriendsname is just my type. You know when we first met...' and trail into a short memory with partner. That should be pretty clear but you can also remind her of her own partner and perhaps try hang out with both of them there. If it doesn't pass you might have to cut contact but it might be fleeting.