please tell me i'm over reacting & how to deal with this.

[davidtennantsmistress]

(bit of back story) went out with a man at 14 - he was 21, he was very abusve, controlling, manipulative, physically abusive - hitting etc. would hit me if I said something he didn't like, if I looked at anyone other than me i'd be called a whore & slag etc etc. basically he screwed me up big time, and tbh i'm still not properly ok after 9 years. anyhow, we split up after a year - I had the sense finally to leave him, but not before he broke my fingers shutting them in the car door. What followed was about 2 months of him following me around, ringing the house, sitting outside my house, and basically harrassing me. I didn't go to the police at the time, my brother chased him in the car and warned him to stay away. Since then I have been looking over my shoulder, anyhow. 6 months later I left town and got as far away as I could, and basically didn't come back - much to my mums distress.

roll on 9 years and now i've had no choice but to return, I was quite happy in my life, I hear yesterday that said man saw a friend of mine out in town, and was pretty much following her about all night saying 'I know you don't I repeatedly and ruined her night - she had said no but in the end said yes you do leave me alone' she doesn't like him and never did. He basically followed her and her friends about all night.

I know none of my friends here or family will let on where I am, but i'm so scared that he's going to find where I am, or that I will see him when i'm out on my own - the mere mention of this man's name makes me want to run for the hills and hide but I know I can't - I am now stuck here. I don't want to be looking over my shoulder any more after not doing it for the last 8 years.

i'm inclined to sit tight, however said man's relations live a few doors away from my family - (was fine when I was only visiting but now i'm there more often) - coupled with the fact that he's got a good position in a local authority i'm worried about him being able to find my details from the various housing registers etc??

I'm so scared, i'd stay in the house - literally but can't as DS needs to get out - I do not want this person to know abotu DS at all - or see him, or anything like that.

Please tell me i'm over reacting, it will all be fine and I should try to forget about it all. what hold does he still have over me after all this time. i've been married ffs with a child. My bullying X doesn't even scare me half as much as this man does.

how horrible for you. And what a terribly young age to be in such an abusive relationship. Did you contact the police at the time? If not, you probably still can. The hospital will still have your medical notes for your broken fingers.

no didn't do a thing at the time, I was so ashamed no police no hospital. he made me run away from home, as i was set to go on a school trip for a week bein so under his control i went with him, returned thou when word got to him my parents had informed the police. Since then i've battled on and off with depression and can't go back to the dark places I was at before again.

i'm sure i'm over reacting, and know that my family will all close ranks as it were, but it doesn't stop me being worried & even keeping my doors locked all day - something I haven't done since I was 14 and alone in the hosue.

I'm not surprised you are worried. He sounds horrible. He bullied and abused a child, but remember that now you are an adult and he doesn't have the same control over you. You have made a life for yourself in the last 9 years, and you are a far stronger person because of it.

He bullied a child; he's a coward. Don't forget that.

I do know how you feel although I had 3 years of counselling after mine which really helped and oyu may want to consider this?

Thing is you are not a 14 yr old girl now, you are a strong woman and if you did come face to face with him then you would be able to tell him where to go because he has no hold on you, the only effects on your life he could have are the effects of you letting him into your life, if he was to stalk you again then you could get him done for harassment and get an injuction order on him to keep him away from you.

I bumped into my ex 3 years after spitting up and he was nice as pie to me even compliemented me it gave me alot of power and satisfaction when i told him to F* off - I wasn't 19 anymore I was stronger and no longer afraid of him (I did run into work and shed a few tears just because it was so emotional)

Once he sees he can't control you then you will have won.

Could your friends not go to the police and tell them he was harrassing them?? You need some kind of information on record about him, incase you want to take it further later on.

lmg - I did have some but it didn't really help - was 3 or 4 sessions and that was all. everything has been buried so deep inside that only my X knows the full extent of everything.

He makes me feel like the weak 14 year old I was when I was with him. I know i'm not,and I am a strong person. Have to be right - after the crap from last year with XH.

I think if I was to see him in the street thou i'd put my head down and walk away. and as for the stalking/harrassment bit - first time he comes near my house I will go straight to the police - will not have it or him around my son.