Husband moving out

[lurker1000]

So I posted last year re my gambling husband - he’s now been off a bet for a year which is great. But it’s been tough and hard. We haven’t been speaking and he’s now said he has a flat and he is moving out.

he can never forgive me for not giving his son (my stepson) a share of my parents inheritance. I’d explained last year that I had chosen to put my inheritance away for our children - my parents grandchildren. This wasnt done to exclude my stepson deliberately but I know he has grandparents on his mums side etc.

He can’t get passed that I didn’t do more with my money for everyone - the only thing I got was a holiday for all of us. I think I probably could have done more but I’ve been so hurt by the years of gambling that I just wanted to not be the one picking up the bills for a bit.

honestly, I’m just so heartbroken. I know that in the long run it will be for the best, but the thought of my kids living between homes etc is killing me.

I honestly feel that he just hates everything about me - he’s stopped really speaking to me the last few months (which has caused arguments which get blamed on me) not sure why I’m posting, just heartbroken I guess.

Your kids will be a lot happier living between homes than in this toxic environment.

Its good it's finally over. It sounds like it should have ended long before now.

And for what it's worth, your decision not to give his son money from your parents is absolutely fair. Especially if there was any chance his gambling addicted father could have got his hands on it.

Once you're out and free, you'll only be gutted you didn't do it years ago.

Ask him if your children will get a share of what's left to DSS by his mum's parents...

I would say you will be much better off apart, with less worry and angst, and your children will be happier in this more relaxed environment.

I know it hurts now but I think you made a wise decision with your inheritance.

You've made the right decision. Good luck moving forward.

Sorry to read thisOP- I do think your decision was wise. I think problem is even if people change their behaviour it is often too little too late and the respect and feeling 100% about someone has gone out the window and it's very hard to see them in a romantic light again.

Forget his feelings. Think about your own…I am sure he had no intention at all, whatsoever to spunk his share of your inheritance up the bookies wall. It’s great that he has gone a year, but it’s only a matter of time. He is only interested in your money. If he was that bothered he would not have become addicted to gambling aware money that could have assisted SS or your DC
Wave him off and don’t take him back.

How long have you been in SS’s life? If it’s a long time, I might give SS a bit of money, but not a great deal.

On another note, my mum has a second family and informed me she would be leaving everything to them as ‘Your father will look after you, so you don’t need it’ It’s true but it stung because it felt almost like a denial of me as her child.Mind you, that’s how she has lived her life with family number two being more of a priority, so no real surprise really…

Oh that’s not nice re your mum - I hope that you have good relationship with your dad??? xxx - thanks for comments.

I guess he has to make me be the bad one to justify leaving. I think deep down he’s probably never, ever got over not getting a bit of money as it’s been eating him up for last year.

I wish I wasn’t so heartbroken. I have days where I’m literally a mess. I need him to just be gone and rip the plaster off. He’s having no interaction with me and leaving me to deal with kids on my own - he’s saying this is to stop him having to deal with me (in the past when I’ve been left to do everything, I in his word would ‘have a go’ and he doesn’t want to deal with that - he says it is ‘self preservation’ ) but you know when heartbreak is heading straight for you and you are powerless???? Just a confused mess right now xx

That’s a funny excuse he’s going with when he chose to throw away ££££s on gambling. Bit thick, isn’t he? Tell him you can’t get over his choice to gamble away money that he should have given to your kids. Then enjoy life, free of the shitty man.

Your husband has been gaslighting you for years, still is, now you're gaslighting yourself. You're not confused, you're just having a hard time accepting what was always inevitable. Your marriage was always going to end, and the only regret you will have is that you didn't leave this man years ago.

he can never forgive me for not giving his son (my stepson) a share of my parents inheritance.

This is absolute bullshit. It's laughable, honestly. He says this because it's the only ammunition he has to wound you. He's enraged that he won't have access to this money, end of story.

He has a flat, eh? Funny how he hasn't moved out yet. I think he's trying to manipulate you into giving him access to that money and allowing him to stay.

I wouldn't trust him any further that I could throw him. The best day of your life will be when you are finally free of him.

The money
is your parents money. They would want it to go to their grandchildren end of!
if this man really respected you he wouldn’t have been so mean to you. I hope in a couple of months time you start to feel alot better. It’s the lies that come with gambling that’s so hard to deal with