Woman + Woman

[Millymoney]

I am posting this on Relationships deliberately. The two Threads currently running on Sex Boards keep emphasizing experiment with F + F. That usually means experimenting in sexual techniques not a different form of relationship.
My problem is that I get dates and have flings and short term relationships but they insist on keeping our friendship secret.
Suggestions of concerts, joining friends for a meal are all rejected. Even shopping together and holding hands in the street is often not permitted. Their response is often a mumbled "umm not yet, umm later...lets keep it like it is". I am not suggesting a dramatic coming out statement, just a gradual getting accepted by each other and then friends.
We cannot build an affectionate friendship into a relationship if our meetings are restricted to my house or a hotel miles away from home.
What is it they want from the friendship or from me?
Comments and suggestions anyone?

There are many reasons why people may not be comfortable with public displays of affection with any partner and additional reasons why a same sex partner might be more hesitant. I've encountered some unwanted attention when I've been out with my girlfriend that I simply wouldn't have received if I'd been with a man so I do understand.

If being able to be physically, publicly affectionate and being with someone who wants to introduce you to their friends is important to you then perhaps you need to check they're on the same wavelength earlier on in your interactions with people? Noone should be pushed into outing themselves if they're not ready but you also shouldn't feel like someone's grubby secret.

Are you their first lesbian relationship?

Are you just seeking out other women who are experimenting?

It's sounds like you are interested in a full relationship with a partner of the same sex so perhaps you need to seek out openly lesbian or bi women.

Thanks for the comments, I fully understand the need for discretion or concealing the situation at times esp when in public.
My first woman lover 4 years ago was a very experienced lesbian who seduced me. She was very intense and liked really rough sex. Then I was with women that were exploring their bi feelings so I was their first. They were much gentler and I enjoyed a gentler more sensual way of being together.
Then another lesbian, she was a forcefull personality and wanted to be 'in-charge'.
Most recently two women have drawn back from a closer relationship. They both wanted to continue as we were, they just wanted the sex.

Perhaps I have been wrong in expecting to grow a friendship into something that maybe doesn't exist. I shall be 50 next birthday youngest leaves Uni next year. I feel a bit old to be in the FWB world - even though it can be fun, I want/need to be more settled.