Is it normal to feel so unappreciated?

[Loulou560]

Hi there
As per above question, I don’t know if I’m being too sensitive, but I really don’t feel appreciated. Have two young DC, a baby and a toddler. We share childcare and both dropped working hours to do this and we work for ourselves. I am the breadwinner who keeps a roof over our heads and pays all our bills (long story as DH got into debt). I ultimately do the lion’s share of childcare when we’re not in work and wake up to do night feeds. I don’t mind this as DP does some men’s jobs I can’t do.
I just feel like it’s not enough. I get criticism when I do something wrong in the house, but never a thank you for all the other things I do. Ie DP never vacuums, I do it daily, but now he needs it for the car, he’s in a strop as I hadn’t cleaned the filter for a while. Or, I’m the one who always throws out bad or rotten food, but I’d left something in the cupboard the other day and as DP cleared it up, he made a big deal of telling me that I’d left it fester.
Is this normal?

Why isn't he working? is he self employed, if he isn't earning enough he needs to look for a job if he's in debt.

I wouldn't be happy doing all the childcare plus being the main breadwinner plus doing what sounds like most of the housework!

He sounds like he just expects you to be the workhorse and skivvy of the house while he does the bare minimum.

One day, write down everything you did and everything he did. Have a conversation about it. Not in the context of having a go but of asking him if he thinks that is fair.

OP, he is a nasty abuser loser.

Please call Womens aid for a chat.

Sort out your contraception.

Have you family and friends nearby?

Tell them the truth that your selfish lazy husband is abusing you.

Of course you have unfortunately married him.

The ones that are shit with money always want to marry a solvent woman.

This is NOT a good man.

Reach out for support.

God no, why would one person do so much more than the other. He’s entitled and awful.

Also when the DC were young, I was an SAHM, but DH never complained about the quality of my housework or I would have sent him packing! He knew I was terribly sleep deprived, so he just went along with a messy house for a while. So what?

I would speak to a solicitor -I know this seems premature but it would be useful to know if separating was financially viable - also if you are going to be landed with maintenance to him after a break up as he seems to have no money- - before you start rows over when he might start to pull his weight.

It's more usual than it should be OP.
Unfortunately.

It doesn't happen in our house.

If my H was as useless and unappreciative as yours he would know exactly how I felt about that.