DH doesn’t notice me anymore

[UnoticedNelly]

Yesterday I was naked (because of the heat) in the bathroom brushing my teeth and he came into the room, took his tooth brush and brushed his own teeth without I think realising that I was completely undressed!

And then today, usually I wfh in comfy clothes. Today I had a meeting so had made a big effort with a nice well fitting dress, hair and makeup done etc. He got home an hour ago and hasn’t noticed or commented that I look any different to usual at all.

We have been together 13 years and when I think of what it was like in the early years, it’s like night and day. In fact the dress I am wearing is one he previously always complimented me on.

Then there’s our sex life. I initiate much more than I ever used to. (He used to initiate 90% of the time). Now he doesn’t initiate as much so I do. He’s only up for it about half the time though.

Is it just for whatever reason he’s stopped fancying me?

I know I should talk to him I just feel really pathetic having to tell my husband I want him to pay me attention and make me feel attractive/ noticed. Think even if he did after that it would always feel a bit forced anyway.

Could he being having an affair?

I’d tell him how you feel. Ask him if he still fancies you and why he’s gone off sex. Then suggest you work on these areas together. I wouldn’t necessarily jump to the conclusion he’s having an affair

No, I know that’s definitely not the problem.

He would say he does still fancy me, (but who wouldn’t say that to their wife). He’d also say he’s 13 years older than when we first met and we both have a much busier/ more stressful life. Which is all true. But we are still both only in our mid 30s!

My ex started this after 15 year, should have say i noticed after 25 year...tbh he was a douche whom only thought of himself. He never complimented me, never said i looked nice when i knew i did and others said i did. He never initiated anything..sex, cuddles, kisses, etc . I carried the whole relationship for 25 years. I was heartbroken realising that he had never tried to make it work he just came along for a free ride and minimal effort.
We both know you need to talk with him, hopefully its because hes comfortable .. possibly lazy, dont accept that. Hopefully hes not having an affair. X

Men arent always aware, they take that we are there for granted. Tell him xx

I meant 15 years

usually I work from home in comfy clothes

Absolutely nothing wrong with wearing comfy clothes (I work from home and do the same) but if you are both casual all the time no wonder he isn’t ready to jump your bones. Maybe dress really nicely for a week and he will notice. Of course you could just talk to him but sometimes it is nice to notice the attraction rather than worry your conversation caused it.

What on earth, I'm generally wearing nothing but a huge t shirt at home with dp and he's very happy to initiate sex! Attraction goes deeper than what we're wearing, doesn't it ?

I know if my wife was naked in the bathroom, the last thing she'd want is me groping her... and I bet if you rephrased that, half of the women here would say they'd feel violated if their husband tried it on every time they were naked in that situation

I've complimented her so many times on how she looks it just falls on deaf ears now. She just sort of rolls her eyes now... guys notice things like that, it hurts.

I think it's the classic if you try for something and it doesn't happen, you stop trying situation.

If he's complimented you on the same dress before (many times), eventually, it's going to stop. If he's tried his luck with sex and you've pushed him away, he's going to stop.

Truth be told, I think it's probably just a stress or tiredness thing if he's otherwise a nice husband.

I think come at it less from a 'why don't you fancy me we don't have sex!' Which will make him v defensive (I've done that before) and more in a flirty 'I was noticing you doing ... (whatever manly thing - cutting lawn? Chopping wood? Being a boss on the phone? Being sweaty after his run!) and it was super hot/ made me think I've got the best husband/reminded me how fit I find you etc etc ... plant a couple of those and see how they land and then say let's do a fun date night soon.

If he's not keen on that at all there is a problem.

No labido in men doesn't necessarily imply an affair, in fact I've often heard that affairs can increase libido as the person just becomes more sexual/in touch with their sexual energy and confident and therefore more easily and regularly aroused

He could also be taking her for granted.

Do you pay him attention or make him feel attractive or noticed at all ?

And that’s great and usually me and DH are the same. But there isn’t anything wrong in making an effort for each other occasionally.