Someone please help me! I don’t know what I am doing wrong, I am feeling so burnt out and exhausted in this relationship. I am doing every-single-thing I possibly can to make my marriage work but I feel he doesn’t understand or appreciate my efforts even though he says he understands. I have a demanding job which involves a lot of travelling and hotel stays and work full time (2 days from home and rest in the office), trying to maintain my house (cooking every 2 days, cleaning, etc), spending quality time with my husband and spending time with his family. I am always so behind with my work (which I never was prior to getting married last year), I am nearly being suspended from work but can’t afford to as I need to get a mortgage. Most of my time is spent with either his family or going out with my husband. I keep telling my husband that I am falling behind and I need some hours here and there to catch up and that we should reduce the time we spend at his family’s house so I can do my work. His daily timetable is he sleeps late and wakes up late, works a few hours and spends some time with me and some with his family and rest on tiktok. That’s pretty much it. He insists us spending time with his family every day for a good 2-3 hours (every day). Every time I say you go alone, he gets mad at me and it turns into an argument. I am feeling so burnt out with my time management, I am juggling so many commitments, I don’t even get to see my own family and friends. I haven’t nailed down a routine yet in my first year of marriage and feel like I am clutching onto the last straw.
Last week my close family member passed away which I am still grieving for, then we went Devon over the weekend, we came back on Sunday past midnight. At midnight he invites guests to have a dinner at our place the following day (12 ppl). I was working until 2am. Exhausted I fell asleep and woke up at 11am and tried to get dressed, make breakfast and it was around 2pm before I got to begin working again. Work not finished. Trying to be a good wife (because I know if I say no he will argue) I cook and clean and host the dinner for his family in the evening. The event finishes at 10pm. In the same night I now need to travel a good 3 hours to a different city for work purposes and stay overnight. Same day! I arrive to the hotel at 4am. I sleep for 3 hours and back to work again.
Now the following day when he is calm I explain to him that I was past my limit last night and I am extremely stressed and extremely tired and I am still so behind in my work. I explained calmly how I wished I said no in hosting the dinner last night because it put me under immense pressure and I still haven’t completed my work and think I might get fired. He suddenly gets so angry at me and says hurtful things to me like if you can’t handle your job, leave it. Im tired listening to how always behind you are at work etc. You only nitpicked at this dinner and you were being lazy last 10 days. I am trying to explain to him my uncle died last week and im still grieving and working my way through that but his anger dismisses everything I say aside. I fall asleep crying. Late at night he says to me I don’t know why you’re crying, it’s not a big deal.
Needless to say I am hurt, stressed and burnt out. I cannot even look my husband in the eye, he makes me so mad. How do I make him understand that I am juggling so many balls and I am stressed and all I want is just some consideration, understanding and appreciation?
He says I am lazy and slacking.