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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should I leave him?

3 replies

BelleMia · 06/09/2023 08:02

Before I start with this message, please take note that I have bipolar disorder since 12. I have a traumatic past and have been hurt many times. So I dont have self worth.

Last year, I met a man at my work. We started chatting, he showed interest and he asked for my number. We spoke for about a month, however at that time I was in a severe depressive state and tried to commit suicide. I did not tell him about it, however he told me he feels that we should rather be friends for now. I then blocked him and went on with my life.

After 8 months out of the blue, he contacted me and apologised. We started talking again and have been seeing each other for three months now. He tried to commit suicide before and he is still suicidal and depressed.

He says he does not want a relationship because he got really hurt before and tried to commit suicide. He says the only way he can stay alive is if he does not put feelings to someone.

We are really good friends, we hang out and laugh and have a lot in common. He talks about moving in with me. He has a remote to enter my house. We had sex often, but the last three times we did not. He is supportive and he is always there if I need him. If I had a bad day, he would come to my house to be with me.

However, I dont know if this guy is making jokes or is there a chance that he is interested but he is scared to take that step because he can get hurt.

I dont know what to do - I dont think he thinks Im beautiful as he never gives me compliments.

Should I leave him or what should I do?

Please help as I am seeing him tonight.

OP posts:
Pixiedust1234 · 06/09/2023 08:45

Honestly, I think two recently suicidal people should never be together. Neither of you will have healed sufficiently and can easily pull the other person down.

Have you come to terms with what happened to you yet, and have you moved on from it or could it still cause you to spiral down again? Same for him. I say this as someone who has been there.

ChristmasFluff · 06/09/2023 09:57

He says he doesn't want a relationship.

You are giving him all the benefits of a relationship with no commitment. If you want a committed relationship then yes, you should leave him, as this isn't something you will get from him.

Seaoftroubles · 06/09/2023 10:44

You both have such troubled pasts l feel that this is a recipe for disaster. He has told you that he does not want a relationship where feelings are involved. This may be true, or may be just an excuse to have a no strings arrangement but please protect your heart. I would accept its just fwb from his point of view, and if you want more l would end things as you risk getting hurt.

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